"The result of anticipatory grief is the painful realization that the object already contains the possibility of its non-existence. A nothingness is created. And isn’t this exactly what we saw in the debate about childhood mourning? Loss can only be mourned, we are told, when we have an idea of a person - but doesn’t the very idea of a person contain the idea of that person’s absence? The child must confront this awful spectre, which may be elaborated in the later form of a terror of ghosts and the supernatural. Even before the loved one is gone, the ghost of their disappearance is set into place. We can observe this phenomenon in adulthood when someone falls in love. They may suddenly become devastated at the idea that their partner will no longer be there one day, even if at the time they are perfectly present and manifestly devoted. In Apollonius’s drama Argonautica, Medea loves Jason so much that she says she mourns him as if he were already dead.

Freud touches on this idea of an anticipatory grief in his brief paper ‘On Transience’, written some nine months after the draft of Mourning and Melancholia in 1915. When we think about the transience of an object, there is a 'foretaste of mourning over its decease’. Time and mortality are closely bound up here, but also the sensation of love. And could it be that the emergence of anticipatory grief is a part of the birth of human love itself? Does love always involve this 'foretaste of mourning’?"

— Darien Leader, The New Black: Mourning, Melancholia, and Depression

2017

albums:
Bibio – Phantom Brickworks
Blanck Mass – World Eater
bvdub - Heartless
Felicia Atkinson – Hand in Hand
Fever Ray – Plunge
Galcher Lustwerk – Dark Bliss
Jean-Michel Blais & CFCF – Cascades
Keiichi Okabe – NieR: Automata Soundtrack
Lorde – Melodrama
Max Richter – Three Worlds: Music from Woolf Works
Mica Levi – Delete Beach
Rjyan Kidwell – Certainity/Identity
Ryuichi Sakamoto – Rage Soundtrack
Shinichi Atobe – From the Heart, It’s a Start, A Work of Art
William Basinski – A Shadow in Time
v/a – Air Texture, Vol. V
v/a – mono no aware
x/o – cocoon egg
Yamaneko – Spa Comissions
Young Thug - Beautiful Thugger Girls
Yves Tumor – Experiencing the Deposit of Faith

songs:
Arca – Desafío
Bibio – Capel Celyn
Blanck Mass – Hive Mind
Carly Rae Jepsen – Cut to the Feeling
Claude Young – Fukui Morning
Elysia Crampton – Spittle (Safeway Parking Lot)
Forest Swords – The Highest Flood
Honey Dijon – Houze (ft. Seven Davis Jr.) [Houze Rebuilt Mix]
Hype Williams – Loud Challenge
IVVO – Good, Bad, Baby, Horny
Jeff Russo – Milton’s Tower
Jessie Ware – Your Domino
LOOΠΔ – New
M.E.S.H. – Search. Reveal.
Malibu – Held
Manaka Kataoka – Battle (Shrine)
Mr. Mitch – VPN (ft. Palmistry)
Nicki Minaj – Regret in Your Tears
Octo Octa – Preparation Rituals
Organ Tapes – Nosso Amor OT VERSION (MC Pedrinho)
Paramore – Told You So
Perfume Genius – Choir
Shinichi Atobe – Regret
Syringe – So Autistic
x/o – insecurity lurks in shadows

mixes:
http://musicforprogramming.net/?fortyseven
https://soundcloud.com/blu174/mix-007
https://soundcloud.com/blu174/mix009
https://soundcloud.com/eande/elysia-crampton-w-grace-wales-bonner-fw-2017
https://soundcloud.com/marcitlali/pulse
https://soundcloud.com/rinsefm/rinse-fm-podcast-swanmeat-9th-april-2017
https://soundcloud.com/s_m_i_le/smile-radio-dasychira
https://soundcloud.com/threeandahalfseconddelay/dumbass-exodus

games:
Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony
Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age
Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep: A Fragmentary Passage
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
NieR: Automata
Nioh
Persona 5
Resident Evil 7: Biohazard
Super Mario Odyssey
Tales of Berseria
Universal Paperclips
What Remains of Edith Finch

2011

albums
01. Julianna Barwick – The Magic Place
02. Prurient – Bermuda Drain
03. Future Islands – On the Water
04. PJ Harvey – Let England Shake
05. Oneohtrix Point Never – Replica
06. Colin Stetson – New History Warfare Vol. 2: Judges
07. John Maus – We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves
08. EMA – Past Life Martyred Saints
09. Deerhoof – Deerhoof vs. Evil
10. SSION – BENT
11. Braids – Native Speaker
12. Bill Callahan – Apocalypse
13. Tearist – Living: 2009–Present
14. tUnE-yArDs – w h o k i l l
15. Destroyer – Kaputt
16. Beyoncé – 4
17. Four Tet – Fabriclive.59
18. Gang Gang Dance – Eye Contact
19. Wild Beasts – Smother
20. Pictureplane – THEE PHYSICAL
21. Julia Holter – Tragedy
22. Leyland Kirby – Eager to Tear Apart the Stars
23. Hunx and His Punx – Too Young to Be in Love
24. Tim Hecker – Ravedeath, 1972
25. Atlas Sound – Parallax
26. Björk – Biophilia
27. James Ferraro – Far Side Virtual
28. Clams Casino – Instrumentals
29. Dope Body – Nupping
30. Cold Cave – Cherish the Light Years

songs
01. Prurient – Time’s Arrow
02. M83 – Midnight City
03. Oneohtrix Point Never – Replica
04. Braids – Lammicken
05. SSION – NOTHING HAPPENS AT NITE
06. Four Tet – Locked
07. Dirty Beaches – Lord Knows Best
08. Kate Bush – Snowed in at Wheeler Street
09. Kelly Rowland (ft. Lil Wayne) – Motivation
10. Azealia Banks – 212
11. Elite Gymnastics – So Close to Paradise 3 (Physical Therapy Remix)
12. Pictureplane – Negative Slave
13. Prince Rama – Summer of Love
14. Future Islands – Where I Found You
15. Peaking Lights – Tiger Eyes (Laid Back)
16. PJ Harvey – The Words That Maketh Murder
17. Gang Gang Dance – Chinese High
18. MEN – Who Am I to Feel so Free?
19. Hercules and Love Affair – Leonora
20. John Maus – Cop Killer
21. Burial – Stolen Dog
22. Ford & Lopatin – Joey Rogers
23. Parenthetical Girls – Sympathy for Spastics
24. Kurt Vile – Runner Ups
25. Prurient – Palm Tree Corpse
26. Grouper – Water People
27. Lower Dens – Batman
28. Cold Cave – The Great Pan Is Dead
29. Destroyer – Suicide Demo for Kara Walker
30. Planningtorock – The Breaks

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