I told my dad I might be moving to Georgia to do some humanitarian work and he said it was a bad idea and that I would sleep with a Russian spy and get herpes. I almost told him "I've had it for a while" but instead I said "everyone has herpes" and he said "not me". hahaha. I love him so much much even though he can be a little sheltered in terms of real real life, not to say he hasn't experienced a lot, but he grew up very lovingly and cared for with a stable family. I grew up in a demon nightmare lol.

Now that I'm finishing undergrad I'm getting pretty sad. Not because its over; that I'm happy for, but because I feel lost. I lost a lot of respect for my human rights program in the last year over their various stances or "non-stances", as well as the general demeanor of those running the program and the majority of individuals in the classes. On top of that I feel a bit hopeless about the future, and ultimately quite tired.

I'm making good money serving tables right now but I need to get out and get real stability, proper work from home 9-5 would make me happy because I want to have set times to focus on hobbies and I want to prove my stability and self sufficiency to myself. Most of all I want a relationship with someone I love. I attract people more than fine, but I'm not in the position for a relationship and so I either have to have hookups or "non-serious" relationships, or ingratiate the really really good ones into my friend group. It's lonely. I am basically like a spectacle I feel. Something a lot of people like and/or are interested by but cannot get very close to for various reasons. I want to be loved fully so much it makes me cry