There was so much overlap that I noticed between love and writing. The people who are able to write well about personal things seem appealing as people. Not because they live pure lives, but because they are able to examine themselves in honest ways. So it has to do with honesty, vulnerability, intelligence.
Fours must recognize how they continuously judge, censor, and control themselves in order to approximate their inner picture of how they believe they should be, and further, how they shame themselves for not measuring up to it. They need to see how this nonallowing distances them from their direct experience and thus perpetuates the sense of being disconnected and is therefore how they abandon themselves. They also need to understand how this pattern makes them feel hopeless about themselves, and they need to give up the hope of matching some ideal and accept themselves as they are. It also means getting in touch with the aggression and self-hatred embedded in this resistance to themselves, and really feeling and understanding that they inflict suffering upon themselves in this way.
"A whole being lives in complete harmony with his environment. His moves are economical and always appropriate to his circumstances. He is not emotionally affected by external stimuli, but responds to them exactly as much as is necessary.”