Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.


-Remember to Hydrate
-Take A Deep Breath
-Name What is Present
-Remember the Humanity of All
-Seek Empathy
-Offer Empathy
-Notice Sources of Support
-Give Yourself a Hug
-Practice Grounding Skills
-Get To Know Your Nervous System
-Honor Your Nervous System
-If A Grounding Tool Isn't Working, Let It Go
-Seek Support
-Only Use Resources That Work For You
-Honor Your Choice
-Honor Your Capacity
-Undo Perfectionism

-Don't Go It Alone
-Actively Ground Into the Present
-Take A Break
-Remember To Laugh
-When Overwhelmed, Have A Plan
-Take Space
-Practice Grounding Before Stressful Situations
- Grounding That Works for Others Doesn’t Have to Work For You
-Normalize Your Nervous System Responses
-Love Yourself

-Work On Self Acceptance
-Create A Safety Statement To Ground Yourself
-Use Humor
-Use A Grounding Quote
-Breathe Into Your Belly
- Breathe In For 2 Seconds, Breath Out for 4 Seconds
-Brush Your Left Hand Down the Length Of Your Right Arm- Then Switch
-Name Qualities of the Most Relaxed Place In Your Body
-Picture Grounding People In Your Life
-Picture Grounding Places
-Name Qualities Your Senses Notice Outside Yourself
-Imagine A Favorite Food, Pet or Season
-Drink Cool Water
-Ground Your Soles Of Your Feet Into the Earth
-Recite A Prayer or Poem
-Carry A Touchstone Object
-Stretch Your Body
-Bilateral Stimulation (Alternate Tapping Opposite Sides of Knees or Collarbone)
-Hum or Sing
-Breathe In Compassion, Breathe Out Compassion
- Build A Support Pod
- Have Something Light and Fun To Land On
- Get Into Nature To Decompress
- Listen To The Sound Of A Bell Or Gong That Soothes You
- Bounce Or throw A Ball While Focusing On Your Breath
- Feel Into Your Body And Release A Sound That Matches That Feeling
- Tap, Pat, and/or Squeeze Your Body To Locate Yourself
- Parasympathetic Nervous System Stimulation: Stand Feet Forward... Twist Your Head To The Right, Then Let Your Hips Follow... Repeat To the Left.. Then Look Up (Slack Jawed)...Then Let Your Head Hang... Then Back To Center