"Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly."
06 07 2023
when you wake up, forget who you think you are. spend the day as if you are discovering yourself for the first time.
But more than anything else, conquering your shame really does make your life feel like art. Each experience feels precious, adds up, and feels valuable emotionally, because you’re no longer trying to bend yourself into a shape that will impress or please or delight others. Instead, you get to impress and please and delight yourself, without apology, without hesitation, every day. You don’t have to become someone special. You just have be yourself: impossibly deluded, deeply uncertain, and gloriously alive.
My advice to the person suffering from lack of time and from apathy is this: Seek out each day as many as possible of the small joys, and thriftily save up the larger, more demanding pleasures for holidays and appropriate hours. It is the small joys first of all that are granted us for recreation, for daily relief and disburdenment, not the great ones.
"Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride." — Anthony Bourdain
note to self: lean out of your window more at the end of the day. the air smells different, the colours are so much more vibrant. and the sounds feel so much more grounding.
life has been really difficult lately. i don't think i was prepared for how challenging this path would be. i've had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way, and i sometimes feel as though i've 'destroyed' myself and will never return to who i was before. but i'm trying to not think of it that way; trying to believe in being able to heal :-)
trying to not be too hard on myself. i've got to love and take care of myself better. be more gentle and understanding. this journey is not a race, it's not a competition. it's a long journey with many challenges that I may not be able to overcome on my first try (or even at all). but that's ok <3 as long as I put in the work, I should be proud of myself! there will be many things that is out of my control, and it's not my fault if things don't turn out well or how i expected them to. don't tie my self worth to my (perceived? comparative?) output! or measure progress in only positive results. treat myself more.
meditate more, go out in nature more. hang out with friends, and have fun! let my brain rest a little more!!! an 8 hour workday is just a made up concept... most people aren't "productive" the full 8 hours anyway. celebrate little victories.
sanctuary in the form of stable housing that allows for fun and flexibility in my daily life
a stocked kitchen
art on the walls
candles that i like