In contrast the traumarized child develops a kind of rigidity to create a point of stability in a chaotic environment. This has all sorts of impacts psychologically and behaviorally. More than I can sum up here. But a big one is building a kind of mental bomb shelter around the "true self."
In order for the true self to emerge, we have to dismantle the bomb shelter by addressing the rigidity. Which is more complicated as an adult simply because we have a more complex understanding of everything. Its much easier to build a deep trust in the world when our needs are mostly food, warmth, comfort, and clean diaper. Its much harder to develop that when we can cognitively understand complete safety isnt real and we have decades of seeing the world as a dangerous and unreliable place.
Notice I said "harder". Not impossible. It can be done but it takes work and a willingness to let go of what by now feels natural and "true" for you.
until we feel the freedom of solitude, we cannot connect authentically. we may be enmeshed but we are not encountered