We talk so much of light, please let me speak on behalf of the good dark. Let us talk more of how dark the beginning of a day is.
∆ Maggie Smith, from “How Dark the Beginning”
But how do you describe the absence of something? If I refuse to play soccer, is my not playing soccer an experience of playing soccer? My lack of the experience of motherhood is not an experience of motherhood. Or is it? Can I call it a motherhood, too?
How can I express the absence of this experience, without making central the lack?
Maybe if I could somehow figure out what not having a child is an experience of–– make it into an active action, rather than the lack of an action–– I might know what I was experiencing, and not so much like I was waiting to act. I might be able to choose my life, and hold in my hands what I have chosen, and show it to other people and call it mine."