I go to sleep every night and wake up every morning restless. My mind races at all turns and I question which is the right one to take. I end up failing myself most of the time when I don’t make a decision. Making a decision, whether the answer I make turns out in my favor or not, is an exercise in mindfulness and consciousness. Maybe this means I need to make more decisions: to choose to do my daily tasks, to choose to go to sleep, and to choose to wake up in the morning. I suppose this is what saying “goodnight” and “good morning” to myself means. And maybe part of the reason it has changed my attitude (most of the time). What will I choose to do today?
According to Dodie Bellamy, you can never trust a person with a neat bedroom.
The bedroom is a place fraught with conflicting emotions. It’s where we go to feel safe and protected, to put our guard down, rest, and build ourselves back up. It’s our innermost sanctuary, our last line of defense: when everything feels like it’s falling apart, we can always just stay in bed. At the same time, the bedroom is where we go to expose ourselves to others, to test and experiment with what our bodies want and need from and can do to other bodies—which can be soft and sensual but can also get loud, sweaty, and even a bit rough. For those (and many other) reasons, the bedroom needs a door that closes, so that it can be kept separate from the rest of the house. It’s where private gets even more private, or, as my aunt Judy likes to say, it’s the indoors indoors. And even though it’s our most familiar place (considering we’re there for hours every single day), it’s also our most sacred and cherished possession, shared with others only at personal risk.