Giving up obsession means that you have to be willing to feel your hunger and pain, to recognize your unmet needs, to fundamentally recognize that no dress, no car, no boyfriend, no job, can really make you feel better about yourself, and then inquire: what can make me feel better?
“locked up in your tower of self-restriction￼ is a timid child who wants to love and wants to be loved”
I know now that a studied evasiveness has its own limitations, its own ways of inhibiting certain forms of happiness and pleasure. The pleasure of abiding. The pleasure of insistence, of persistence. The pleasure of obligation, the pleasure of dependency. The pleasures of ordinary devotion. The pleasure of recognizing that one may have to undergo the same realizations, write the same notes in the margin, return to the same themes in one’s work, relearn the same emotional truths, write the same book over and over again — not because one is stupid or obstinate or incapable of change, but because such revisitations constitute a life.
| Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts