Pessimism, anger, worthless secrecy, returning as little money as possible into any economy (mainstream, alternative or sub-cultural), information theft, used clothing, shopping in garbage cans, and product recycling rooted in economic necessity more than ecological concerns.... Economic and social isolation from the reified body of consumer culture by witnessing but not following trends (which inevitably means becoming distanced from loved ones who value community, fashion, comfort, stability, etc.), all the while living neck deep in dominant culture feces (whatever one's culture) with no Waldenesque dreams of social transcendence or escaping to an Eden lost.... Admitting an aversion to family structures, making a conscious effort to leave no DNA progeny behind, and being unforgiving of the egomaniacle presumptiveness of birthing in a world overpopulated with abused, neglected and orphaned children.... Life devoid of authenticity. These means are the closest I can come to consciously connecting with the processes of abstraction and alienation inherent in our era of capitalist globalization. They cannot result in personal or social transformation, despite unavoidable dreams of transformation. They absolutely cannot be collective, despite unavoidable longings to overcome loneliness and isolation. They do not bring happiness. They are my continued undoing in a world in which I am already undone. A colleague emails, "Yes, okay, but what is next?" to which I do not respond because I know she knows that there is no next step, only plodding and meandering toward nothing in the middle of everything, like shopping in a crowded Tokyo department store, until we drop. The flow of the crowd may at times give a sense of direction, but it is motion within a non-transcendental meaninglessness that has zero zen potential. (Of course, I am only interested in the idea of zero, and not of zen.)

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