Trying my best and working really really hard this week.

At times I feel that I can either be productive or creative but not both. They exist at separate quadrants of my brain and tapping into both is something I am able to do under only the most specific of circumstances. Sometimes I feel I can do it toward the end of a project. When all the pieces are coming together and I’m no longer generating ideas but generating output of the system I’ve formed. Up until then I feel like I’m either being creative or productive or both.

This stage of the project is always the most fun when you really like the way your system looks and how it works. I don't feel that way right now but that's okay.

Productivity. I don’t care. But I also care a lot. Sometimes I don’t care if I’m productive and other times I feel like I care a lot. I don’t even think that at times it matters if I’m productive. I just want to exist and not always care about if how I’m existing is directly correlating to the amount of output I’m generating. Almost as if there’s more to life than completing to-do lists or tasks or whatever else I need to get done.

I think that I just want to live my life and cook my food and dance around to music and make art and I don’t care about branding. I don’t think that I care about branding at all when it all comes down to it. I think I’d rather create beautiful things and I don’t care if they sell more product or stand out against everything else on the shelf. I don’t care.

The phrase everything else on the shelf kind of rhymes and it also reminds me of elf on the shelf. Was I the only person in the entire world who had no idea what elf on the shelf was until like 3 years ago? I feel like that’s some sort of Mandela effect thing that I wasn’t in on. Like I grew up with no idea what this was and somehow everyone knows what this is now?

Anyway I had no idea I was going to say that thing about branding up above. I actually didn't know I felt that way.