@shazadahmed712
1 year ago (edited)
loved to hear this but I couldn't stop thinking about how it made me think about some things in life, it mostly reminded me of a time I went into the ER for emergency surgery, they gave me ketamine cause I was so badly messed up (motorcycle accident) that when I went under I remember feeling and seeing myself float up through the atmosphere.
All colors transitioned from the blue sky to the blue aurora of the edge of the earth, and the black darkness of space all while I'm approaching this big white rectangle as if it was a window to leaving this dimension or solar system, as I approach the white space, it slowly became everything, in other words, I entered the white space, and everything became a white infinity, I felt like I was still in the operating room but also knew I wasn't there, also keep in mind I'm wearing this perfectly clean white cloak or gown, it was one piece and didn't even feel like it was touching my skin, all I could hear was the silence of space and maybe a slight breeze as if I'm floating on water in this endless white space, I ask in my head "where am I?"
I could only speak in my head cause I couldn't physically move my mouth, so, I ask "where am I" and this voice of abundance as if it spoke from all the space around me said (my name) you will be alright you just have to go back, and me being me enjoying the feeling of being up there innocently responds with "no I don't want to go back."
the immense peace I was experiencing was single handily the most beautiful thing I have ever felt, the floating in emptiness, the calmness of the white space, the immense comfort I was feeling was so beautiful I truly truly felt at peace, but I knew I wasn't able to stay and before I could enjoy it anymore, I felt this breeze as if someone blew on my face, but it was the purest whoosh of air I will ever feel and I slowly descended back down to earth.
Watching myself leave this white infinity, back through the darkness of space, into the blue aurora of the atmosphere, into the blue and white sky filled with clouds, I fall, I fall so gently, so effortlessly back to where I belong to finish my life on this earth, back to the promise I made myself of changing who I am in order to find the better me, the happier me, the supporting me, the loving me, the me that anyone could love, the me that I could love, the me that I could be proud of, the one who can figure out their personal problems without wanting to give up, the one that could get through the challenges of life without hating myself, to find the love for myself in which I never had, to find someone to love me as much as I would love them, I needed this ironically, crazy to say it but I guess I needed this to happen.
At the age of 21 it changed my life so heavily that I never would've thought of seeing myself live life this way, thinking these things, finding effective ways of fixing my mental health, finding some ways to fix the broken heart I always tried to fill up with temporary impulsive happiness, with the support of my family and friends I would have never amounted to any of the right things for myself, I still can't believe it, sometimes I hate that I got on that motorcycle that day but I needed it, I needed to love the fact that I disregarded my life, always pushed my limits, always wanted everything done or experienced yesterday, hitting a concrete wall at 70 mph humbles you I like to say and I know some who ride might think 70 mph isn't much, but it was for me, my stupidity led me to a great change and I needed to be the person I was to reach the mental clarity I am at now and will contiune to keep understanding why and how the person I was before will still lead me on my journey of understanding who I am today. I am grateful for my life now, I see why I exist, I see why my life should matter to me, I see how I can finally love myself, I learned to love myself through the loving interactions I have with many people, the beauty of earth guides me, the beauty of this life guides me, it keeps me hopeful, when I see the wind blow through the branches and leaves of the trees I feel like I'm at peace again, when I see the trees move with the wind I feel like my soul brought something back with it, I feel like I am more than what I am as I physically exist on this earth, my purpose extends beyond my physical form, my purpose is to love and cherish this life I have been given with its second chances, my purpose is to show everyone I encounter the love and respect I have to give from my heart, everything means something to me now, a word, a hand gesture, a laugh, a smile, a head nod, a hello, a goodbye, a handshake, a helping hand, an opporutnity to give, an opportunity to recieve, I have come to a point where i realize this life is all i have ever wanted and nothing more or nothing less.
This is all a real story and ill always think about it, I'm thankful for life, and I'm thankful for all the people I will meet or have met in my life, hope this message reaches you well.
Aphex Twin - "Rhubarb (Chorus)"
