What if healing yourself is not fixing an attitude, not changing an opinion, not altering an aesthetic, but shifting a presence, an awareness, an energy?
Fire can burn your house down, or it can cook you dinner each night and keep you warm in the winter. Your mind is the same way.
“It’s about seeking energy, breath, and light. The image is always moving, even if you’re standing still.”
Dying is an incredible opportunity to awaken. It’s a window of opportunity. Mechanisms that were serving the ego start to crumble naturally, and as they crumble, there is space. We can expand the space by giving up our attachments, internally and externally, so that we die in a vast space of loving awareness.
"I am in this pain, but not of it. I am experiencing this pain, but I am more than it. I am aware of this pain, and know that this iteration of it is temporary. This is a part of my story, a key to the chapters of my life, and there is still more to tell, more to come, and more to experience."
Your instinct is to do whatever you can to earn the good graces of everyone you can, but that is also the impulse that will rob you of your time, your energy and your sanity.
When you start showing up to your life wholly and complete-ly, with joy and interest and commitment, not everyone is going to be ready to meet you there.
It doesn't mean you need to change who you are. It means you need to stop loving people who aren't ready to love you.
If you're left out, subtly insulted, mindlessly forgotten about, or easily disregarded by the people you spend the most time with, you're doing yourself an incredible disservice by continuing to offer your energy and life to them.
"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet