“Do not allow yourself to suppress your thoughts. Instead, let the thoughts come before you and become a sort of observer. Start observing your own mind. Do not try to escape; do not be afraid of your thinking.” — Śrī Swāmī Rāma
Imagine you wrote a letter to someone that matters to you, without using any words - you had to make the language out of something else.
Here is the test: you have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. It doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energised or less energised. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and I suggest that you use it for the rest of your life.
there is romance in taking the time.
taking the time to walk
taking the time to read
taking the time to cook an elaborated meal
taking the time to listen to a piece of music
taking the time to colour in a circle
taking the time to notice
taking the time to wonder
taking the time to listen
taking the time to think
taking the time to fall in love
thoughts while coming back to instagram after months of deactivation...
-on instagram, my brain inherently gets stuck on the process of cohesively conveying ""myself"" via aesthetics, tastes, experiences (tangible, digestible things) to an audience. (a constant hum of: to share or not to share). who do i want to be online (not only today but across time)? without it, i didn't remotely think about distilling components of life into something engaging or appealing.
-generally paid less attention to my own self-narrativization and the story of who i tell myself i am. now i feel less eager to attempt to convey myself and be seen, grasp-able, understood emotionally by others online.
(+ privacy is of greater value to me than it was before. i thought i was being "vulnerable" before by sharing intimate parts of myself but now i'm not so sure. instagram isn't the medium for that. it feels so insincere)
-without the underlying pressure of beholding myself to an audience, i felt less concerned with myself/identity formation in general. a broader version of existence. more... amorphous. dynamic. able to dissolve, evolve, and simply less constrained and defined, without reminders from the past... not having constant visuals indicating (and again, narrativizing,) progression or evolution is liberating.
-and with this -- i think that holding onto the (visual) past in the way that social media, particularly instagram, inherently enforces through its design is unnatural to our brains / disruptive to the present. reliant on self-surveillance and documentation. what is the cost of being so constantly reminded of / tied to our visual past? constraining, exacerbates anxiety.
-never before has humanity's (or any species) existence been so photographed, so personalized, so library-tized. feeds into broader atomization and hyper-individualization. main character syndrome lol