There is this Jesuit idea—and I am not Jesuit—that god tells you your calling through desire. Your attraction is actually direction towards what you are supposed to engage with. That idea rings true to me. Often, I am attracted to something and I don’t understand why. Like why I want to write about something—a tree, a festival, an orange. If I just follow that desire to spend time with that idea, something really fantastic usually occurs. There is actually something that happens that makes that project worthwhile. It’s not necessarily my job to know why in advance. It’s just worth taking it as a signal.
For years, I tried to convince myself that I simply liked the idea of you—that I could find all your warmth, intensity, expansiveness, and lightheartedness in other people. It took me all this time to realize you were unrepeatable.
Lovers are always waiting. They hate to wait; they love to wait. Wedged between these two feelings, lovers come to think a great deal about time, and to understand it very well, in their perverse way.
| Anne Carson, from Eros the Bittersweet; Now Then