The child has to get what it is that the parents want from him, what they need him to be. The child, in this picture, is in an odd position; he has got what it is that the parents want from him - in this instance, not to be angry. But the parents cannot get, in the fullest sense, that the child is angry and needs to be. The child is taken to be good at recognizing (the parents' needs), but deprived of sufficiently good experiences of being recognized. The child is the unrecognized recognizer.

Adam Phillips, Missing Out

Adam Phillips, Missing Out (New York, NY: Picador, 2012), 42-43.

Judy Gu
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