Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is this: What if at the end of your life you were allowed to go back into your body of today and live one day—this day—from the soul of of yourself that knows everything will turn out okay, but also no longer has access to the chapter of life you’re in now?

Carpe diem this is not. I am not asking: What if you lived today like it’s your last day on Earth? It’s: What would you be in awe of about your life RIGHT NOW that you are maybe otherwise taking for granted?

I know I will not be this culturally fuckable forever. Our culture is broken and we reward women for being young, which is not something I can control or something I will be for much longer. I will die. If I’m LUCKY I will get to watch and feel my body decay while my spirit’s still awake inside of it. Someday I will not be able to sit on the floor and paint for hours on end or eat a chocolate croissant every goddamn day for breakfast or bring home a Cuban model to paint and fuck me whenever I feel like it. I won’t even always be this captivating or funny or alluring, although I’m really banking on my personality outlasting my youth!

Things I think my 80 year-old-self would appreciate about this day if I could be transported from my deathbed to age 27: The way that guy last night painted a sunset from the seaside promenade in Havana and said: “it’s the sexiest city in the world.” His hands on my skin. The memory of his hands on my skin as I painted tittays this morning. Sitting on the floor surrounded by things made by me and my friends. My feathery bag from @dauphinette.nyc by @oliviazcheng. I bet 80 year-old-me would even be charmed by the fact I haven’t done laundry in two months.

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