Heather Havrilevsky on finding joy and purpose in life—

When people are trying to figure out what will bring them the most joy in life, I sometimes tell them to examine closely the very things they fear the most – the outcomes they see as the most embarrassing, the most shameful, the most pathetic. Because somewhere in that murky, terrifying mix, they might just discover the outlines of a life that makes sense to them, that feels right, that could start to bring them satisfaction and sustenance.

Let me be clear, though: That satisfaction isn’t hiding behind a finish line that you have to work very hard to reach. When you engage with your core values and big, important dreams, you engage with that satisfaction and sustenance. When you value what you ALREADY ARE, you satisfy and sustain yourself.

Start by paying close attention to your fears. Invite your fears into the room and have a slow, patient conversation with them. Try on new possibilities, inside that gentle space…

It is exceedingly hard to succeed when you don’t know what you value…

Right now, you’re making yourself smaller, even as you berate yourself to BE BIGGER and DO SOMETHING and WORK HARDER. You’re having trouble staying motivated because you care a lot — way too much. The stakes are too high to tolerate. Look closely at the things you fear the most, because you probably want a lot of things that live inside that knot of fears. Look closely at the things that embarrass you the most, because you probably crave using those parts of you much more…

I seem to be writing about ego now, but that’s only because your ego will pop up, over and over, trying to get you to stop embarrassing yourself. But as a writer, as an artist, as an exuberant being, you’ll have to soothe your ego and relocate the bigger picture, the sweeping philosophy that guides you forward, the more EXUBERANT interpretation of what you are and where you want to explore and discover.

YOU NEED A MORE EXUBERANT INTERPRETATION OF WHO YOU ARE!

Create one. Write it down. Paint around it. Tape it to the wall. You need to remember what you value, so you can align yourself with those values. I’m not talking about anything religious or “right” or prescribed. I’m talking about whatever you adore. I’m talking about the things that make you light up. And I’m talking about the things that embarrass you.

You are incredibly ambitious. When you understand that, when you notice it, when you feel it, you are engaging with your values and engaging with your dream. That’s joy you can feel in this moment. And life is just a series of moments where you reach for that joy or you reject it. Make it your habit to reach for the joy of supporting your enormity, your vivid colors, your delicious, resistant rage, your gigantic fears.…

This is your moment to start respecting your own ambitious, instead of trying to hide them. This is the hour to learn how to honor your exuberance.