One of the greatest betrayals of our illusion of permanence, one of the sharpest daggers of loss, is the retroactive recognition of lasts—the last time you sat across from a person you now know you will never see again, the last touch of a hand, the last carefree laugh over something that binds two people in intimacy—lasts the finality of which we can never comprehend in the moment, lasts we experience with sundering shock in hindsight. Emily Dickinson, the poet laureate of loss, knew this well:
We never know we go—when we are going
We jest and shut the door—
Fate following behind us bolts it
And we accost no more
Maria Popova, Figuring, pg 184