processing grief~ transmuting grief into tenderness into strength into gratitude into love
individual grief / collective grief / ambiguous loss
Perhaps the hardest thing about losing a lover is to watch the year repeat its days.
It is as if I could dip my hand down into time and scoop up blue and green lozenges of April heat a year ago in another country.
I can feel that other day running underneath this one like an old videotape—here we go fast around the last corner up the hill to his house, shadows of limes and roses blowing in the car window and music spraying from the radio and him singing and touching my left hand to his lips.
sarah rose etter
while i was deep in grief, i was researching brain waves & one thing i learned is that during severe depression/grief, we experience theta waves (which usually occur only before deep sleep) while we are awake. we literally sleepwalk through life due to sadness. just wild.
imagine if i was like: wow, this tweet is really doing numbers, here's a link to a salt lamp you can get 20% off with my code GRIEFSQUAD
i guess actually if you are sad, i wrote a sad book that you can pre-order:
anyway there is plenty to read about this, and it's complex, so here are a bunch of the things i was reading: https://ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5035751/…… https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31537100/ https://frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2021.698753/full…… https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1550059419876807…… https://neurosciencenews.com/theta-wave-emotional-regulation-20908/……
that makes a lot of sense of my year.
– Allison in Brexitland
it made a lot click into place for me too
I have years of memory loss after my big loss - is that related?
– sarah radz
absolutely - if your brain is overwhelmed with managing grief, it has less capacity to remember anything. i genuinely do not remember much in the two years after my dad died suddenly.
This checks out with my experience. I remember so little from the years after I lost my daughter. In many ways it was like I wasn't living the life. On autopilot.
losing a child is this way. Interesting how they can view the waves of the brain to actually see deep grief.
– Debbie ᑳᑫᓯᒧᑐᑕᐁ
Oh yeah. This shit sucked. It’s like on auto pilot but with anxiety and wanting to cry
Our brain does a whole lot to protect us during those times.
– rion amilcar scott
Wow. This explains why I recently realized I can't remember anything from the month after my dad unexpectedly died last year. I think I went to work? I mean, I know I did...I just don't remember even existing.
– Amy Zlatic
I have definitely experienced this.
– Kathleen Maris Paltrineri
This feels true to my experience and what I’ve heard others say. It is a good survival tool. I wish our culture had a universal way to signal when someone is in mourning. I believe we would all benefit.
– Call me Crassanda.
Yes, I remember learning that our grief-brain is akin to experiencing a traumatic brain injury.
– Amanda Leigh Lichtenstein
2:54 PM · May 6, 2023