My best friend and I lived for this band. He died in his mid 20s. Now this album tears my heart apart like a tiger eating a rabbit, with beauty that feels more like a frightfully powerful fire that consumes me and an overwhelming sense of depression and gratitude that just makes me want to die because it will never get better than this and it will never get worse. I'm cursed. Fuck, life is such a trickster... What a wild thing some lives can become. I'm terrified of this song. Because now it makes me so depressed and so happy that I just want to kill myself, and it's my most favorite thing in the world.. Im not normal anymore... It scares me.

I love her. I know it now. The distance scared me so I distanced myself from her and treated her special while seeing other people as just bodies to satiate that lust. But she's not just another face. Now I'm in too deep and I don't know if I can cut off the people I see as bodies after breaking her heart. I know I can but it's easier this way because I'm not hurting her I guess.
I should leave the meaningless sex and flirting behind and love her, but I'm scared.
She's not just another face. I'm scared I'll stop feeling this way and hurt her.