7


The following is one sysop's idea on flame warring. It is developed over the
course of one summer in heated debates ranging from anarchy, socialism to
xenophobic FIDOnet sysops. Please read the with an open mind and anylize
them. I claim no responsibility for anyone that choses to use the following
tips, but I feel that if used the way I perscribe that no harm will result,

except maybe hyperventalation from the humor or irony.

                          OTTO'S FLAME TIPS                     How to conduct a flame war                                 or               How to piss off FIDOnet sysops in 105

Note to the reader: This document is one on how to conduct a proper flame
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ war, and is in no way directed at any BBS in particular.
A person that DL'd this Gfile and then UL'd onto a NET 105 BBS has been
making wild accusationg about this, by titleing it "Otto's Tips on how to
piss of NET 105 sysops". The only name that this document may go by is
"Otto's Tips on Flame Warring" Why go through all of the troubles of
renaming it and breaking a copyright law?

Introduction: This document was created over the course of a few messages. I
~~~~~~~~~~~~ found that it was in the best interest of the entire community
to hear my tips on flame warring. I HIGHLY suggest that you do try a few of
the tips, however: I will take no responsibility for any trouble that you
get into. If anyone calls under my names, make SURE that they are me and
not just some imposteur trying to use my name.

============================================================================

Well, after my immersion on the NET 105, I thought that it would be a good
idea to write down a very simple thing about flame warring. These are all
ideas, and I do not reccomend trying them.

============================================================================
I. The Target

    Perhaps the most important thing in a flame war is deciding who to    hit with your words. Depending on the results wanted, I would    suggest the following as a guide, and the pro's and con's are    listed:    GENERAL USER- this is the best choice if you are looking for some       fun with almost no chances of it getting you burned. The only       problem (if this is one) is that you will almost never get       anything (if you are trying) done. I highly       recommend this for practice.    SYSOP- this is the fun one. What you do is find a sysop that is very       conservative and a jerk (the best ones are the sysops that are       doing it for the power trip and that constanly break the rules).       The problem here is that you may be thrown off of the system (oh       no!) and if it is a NETed system, you may have problems throughout       the net. The pro's of this target is that the sysops will notice        you from now on, and will most likely want to kill you. If you are       going for a cause, this is the best target.

II. The Subject

    The best subject to use is dependant upon your cause. If you    are trying to get a place to debate, use high risk [Ø·6®[c¹ (i.e.    A.I.D.S., Government, Womens Lib.) Eventualy they will end up     involved in a flame-war (the other users and the sysops) and WILL    HAVE TO GIVE IN or lose all of their users.    If you are looking to shut down a few nodes, the best way to go is    constant bickering. You want people to have to read whatever you are    saying no matter where they go. Once the sysop realizes that you    will not give up, he will give in or the people will withdraw.

III. The Way to Do It

    Ok, first off you need to log in. Use a fake name (make sure that    you use a name in the phone book), and make sure that the phone    number is correct. You will not want to stay with an alias for too    long.    In the beginning, just read. After you get the feel for the weak    spots start posting. I do not suggest (and in fact will kill anyone    doing this) complaining about BBS types being better or worse, or    the grammer and spelling of another person. Keep the first few posts    fairly civil, and slowly build up the flames. After a few days the    message bases will be very hot and you will have mega-attention.    Remember to post on as many bases as you can to maximize your    effectivity in your cause. ( We call this the blanket / smother effect 

)

           *note: never flame about something that you know             nothing about. It is best to be very knowledgable            in whatever thing you flame about.

IV. Writing the Message

    A: Check the Spelling    B: Do not swear    C: Quote!    D: Provide sources (fake are cool too) to back up your side    E: Site examples from other states and regions    F: Never give in unless it is just as a ruse    G: You are a psychologist    H: Everyone is always out to kill you.    I: Everyone is on your side, they just are so taken in by you          messgages that they are at a lack of words.    *note: H and I do contradict, TRUST ME.    The above should be some good pointers on flaming. I would suggest    that you always keep the words clean and do not swear, as swearing    really ruins the messages and makes you look uneducated.

INSERT #1:
When the flames start getting hot the users will get mad. When the
users get mad, they complain. Once that happens- the sysop is in a
tough position. If he is net'd he will have to drop the NET or get
dropped. There is almost NO way to completely eliminate the flame-
artists from loggin in. I never went away, probably because no one
ever kicked me off of their system.

The HOT topic list:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-CENSORSHIP: call the sysop a "censorsop". Tell eveyone that the sysop
is removing messages for no reason. For proof enter a really
normal message, screen copy it..then delete the online message. Wait
for a day and scream bloody murder for this injustice.

    -VIOLATION OF POLICY: now this is the easiest. There are sysops and       users out there that just cannot follow the rules. Don't worry       about the users-- just get the sysop because he is supposed to be       the roll model (or she).    -AGISM: everyone knows that adults are fascist pigs, so remind       the entire BBS a few times.    -GOVERNMENT: anarchy, socialism or communism should do the trick.       Offer the Communist Witch Hunts of the '50s. This will cause an       uproar. (I have actually tried this one many a time)

The DUMB topic list:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-CLASSES: my BBS is better than your BBS messages. Very dumb, and
a bad approach.. doesn't seem cool because you may end up
flaming a perfectly cool sysop unknowingly.

    -SPELLING: this is the worst and lowest blow. DO not even BOTHER       with it. This is a sign of the other side having nothing left to       say. It is a fairly good side that you have almost won, or that       the other side is out of ideas (for now..).

HOW TO CHOOSE A NAME:
* Grab the phone book
* Pick three numbers (random) 0-9.
* Go to that page
* Randomly grab a name and a phone number
* Log in to the BBS
* Use the above name
-read a bunch of messages, find one that offers
flame possibilities.
-post
-post
-post
* Logoff
[wait for 12 hours or 24 hours.. depending if it is NET'd]
* Call back
-read
-post
* Repeat from [] down.

Use the same name until you are discovered. Most sysops only check tosee if the name exists, not if the person lives there. I would suggestthat you use a name that sounds VERY real if you make up a new alias.You will need to change names periodicaly, and whatever you do: NEVER GOBACK TO THE SAME NAME or else you will be killed the first time; someBBS's have a TRASHCAN file where bad users' names are put.

TIPS ON MESSAGE FORMAT AND WRITING: Do not swear, as people with a limited
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ vocabulary must lower themselves to
this. The way to combat bordome in drab messages: a thesaurus.
(dictionaries are also of use) To make the messages very interesting
and use very long words, but not too long or else the people will just
scan over them.

    calmness, n.: quietness,  tranquillity,  calm.    From the above I would choose tranquillity because it sounds so    ironic to find it in a flame message.    Basicaly, remember that you WANT people to read these messages, and    not just pass them by. I would suggest humor through irony, a good    vocabulary, intelligent writing style, and ABOVE ALL: good grammer.

MISC tips:
-never get mad
-never try to impersonate someone
-never use your real name or number
-always keep a GOOD user on every BBS
-never form an alliance with ANYONE
-do not compromise

I suggest keeping a good user on a few BBSes because that way you can keep a
constant supply of information. Never call in with both users at the same hour
or else patterns will show and you will be discovered. I do not suggest
alliances as they will eventualy turn against you.

COMBATTING PARANOIA: In the flame you will get paranoid. By all means combat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ this with anything that you can find. I have never been
been able to do this. Remember that they do NOT know who you are, and
they cannot come to your house and make you into a pudding that Bill
Cosby will be shoving down some kid's throat.

CONFIDENTIALITY: Never believe this policy. I have been ratted on before. I
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ do not suggest letting ANYONE know who you are-- even your
friends. A sysop may say that his records are confidential: but they
NEVER are. I currently have my real name floating around between PDX
and Vancouver on just about every OPUS (about 1000000 zillion.. hard to
count because there are no identifying/charecteristic features/prop-
erties) by a sysop who claimed to be confidential.

FILE TRANSFERS: When you have all of these names, make sure to use them to
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ get the advantage of virtualy unlimited DL/UL abilities.
When you first start the war (user name #1) wait until it gets bad,
then milk the DL/UL areas until you are thrown off for messages and
DL/UL ussage (or should I say exploitation?). When you get thrown
off just start in another day or so-- UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME.

WHEN TO STRIKE: When the sysop is on vacation. If the sysop is not answering
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ his mail, chances are he is out of town for the weekend or
the holliday. If he is not there: he cannot delete your messages. This
is not the best time to attack the sysop, as he will most asuradly
read his mail once he gets back, and will be paying extra attention
to any changes since he was gone. If you would like to play hit and
run, while he is on vacation, while sticking to one alias, rape his
board with massive loads of information. Once he gets back-- go on
`vacation' for a week of so after.

WHY NOT TO FLAME: it is a pain in the butt if ANYONE finds out your real
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ name. If the sysop is cool, you will be wrong in doing
whatever you say, but then he may be BAD. You may also find that
the flame will mean more than anything else.

WHY TO FLAME: it is about the only way that people will read your opinions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ It is very hard to ignore a board-wide or NET-wide flame war.
It is also the ultimate in publicity if you run a BBS (trust me--
everyone that is on my net and reads VANPORT knows who I am,
and what my BBS is) what they hear may not be too cool, but they
will eventualy if THEY are good users (to seek adventure).


** do not alter, add or remove any portion of this text without written **
** permission from the Author.. yeah-- that's right! **
+------------------------------------------------------------------+
|Otto, the Legion BBS. (503) 223-7538. We are PCPable (orport) !!!!|
+------------------------------------------------------------------+


Which G-file (Q=Quit) ?

X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X
Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)

& the Temple of the Screaming Electron Jeff Hunter 510-935-5845
Burn This Flag Zardoz 408-363-9766
realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510-527-1662
My Dog Bit Jesus Suzanne d'Fault 510-658-8078
New Dork Sublime Demented Pimiento 415-864-DORK
The Shrine Tom Joseph 408-747-0778

                      "Raw Data for Raw Nerves"

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/bbs/flmtips.txt
                 Confessions of a Download Junkie                 ---------------------------------           Okay, lets face it, I'm a download junkie!!!        When do you know you are addicted to downloading!!!

  1. You wake up, make coffee (maybe), then hit the BBS's

  2. You never read the bulletins on any BBS you log onto.
    Okay.. if the Sysop threatens you, then you scan them real quick.

  3. You never read a single message on any BBS, maybe one or two, but
    you really never read them, you scan them.
    And you hate to enter one, okay, maybe if it's a quick one that asks
    for a phone number to another BBS you call and download from (this
    will keep your level up a little, right?)

  4. You download everything that is new, even if you don't understand
    what the program will do.

  5. Your download / upload ratio always seems to be on the edge.
    Funny how some sysops keep giving me messages to upload?

  6. You've downloaded the same file more then once.

  7. You've downloaded the same file more then twice.

  8. You've called the same BBS more then once in a day (I forgot).

  9. You've called the same BBS more then twice in a day (hey! he might
    have gotten a new program in the last 15 minutes).

    1. You notice your hard drive is filling up with programs.
    2. You can't remember what any of them are? or do?
    3. You never even unzip them to see what the program is!
    4. You have a closet full of unzipped disks (some dated back a year ortwo). Okay... maybe just a few shoe boxes full.
    5. You don't care if you ever unzip any of them.
    6. You get your kicks from just downloading! (you like looking at thebar graph of Zmodem, beats TV, right!).
    7. You say to yourself, I'm a collector!! (so.. you have a lot of outdated programs).
    8. The wife is always saying, "Get off that #$%@ computer".
    9. The grass is a foot high, but you have to get that NEW program.
    10. Your neighbors ask your wife, "What is that beeping I hear all night".It's you, the download was successful! .. Thank God!! I really neededthat one.
    11. When you are on vacation you bring your lap top with you.. hey!they might have something here I've never downloaded before.. right?
    12. You panic when anything happens to your modem.
    13. You panic when anyone goes near your computer or modem.Hey! some people give off a lot of static electricity.. don't they?
    14. Your hard drive just crashed, your car needs a tune-up... thehard drive is in the shop, you'll tune-up the car yourself..next week!
    15. It's four AM in the morning.. well I better go to bed now..I have a bunch of files to download tomorrow.. I'm a collectoryou know!!!
    16. Opps... is that the Sun I see rising? or somebodies headlights?

  If you fall into any five of the above  ...  welcome, fellow...                D O W N L O A D  J U N K I E  ! !



/bbs/dljunkie.txt

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THE RICH MAN USES VASELINE,
THE POOR MAN USES LARD;
THE WORKER USES AXLE GREASE
BUT GETS IT TWICE AS HARD.

YOUR SPPONING DAYS ARE OVER,
AND YOUR PILOT LIGHT IS OUT;
WHEN WHAT USED TO BE YOUR SEX APPEAL
IS NOW YOUR WATER SPOUT!

Definition of old age:

When it takes you all night to do what you used to spend all
night doing!!!

A certain young sheik I'm not namin'
Asked a flapper he thought he was tamin'
"Have you your maidenhead?"
"Don't be foolish," she said,
"But I still have the box thar it came in."

When entering a new office, how can you tell which
word processor was last used by the Polish secretary??

It's the one with white-out all over the screen.

There was a young brave who got hot
And chased an old squaw who was not.
So she stuffed her canal
With some dried chapparal,
And sprinkled some sand on her twat.

What do you call a man who has herpes, syphilis and AIDS?
Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y 


An incurable romantic!!

Withdrawal, according to Freud,
Is a very good thing to avoid.
If practiced each day,
Your balls will decay
To the size of a small adenoid.

Freud's opinion, said old Dr. Steckel,
Isn't worth a Confederate shekel.
Withdrawal is fun ----
But beware lest the sun
Should cause the withdrawn parts to freckle.

Pity the poor spermatozoa!
His life leads him lower and lower.
With fears in his belly
He swims through the jelly,
But seldom increases the scoah.

Did you hear about the young lady who's nickname was Federal
Express?

When she went to a dates apartment, it was absolutely,
positively guaranteed that she's be there overnight.

There was a young lady of Totten
Whose tastes grew perverted and rotten.
She cared not for steaks,
Or for pastry and cakes,
But just lived for Penis au Gratin.

There was a young man of Malacca
Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y 
Who always slept on his left knacker.
One Saturday night
He slept on the right,
And his knacker went off like a cracker.

There was a young man of Madras
Who was screwing a girl in the grass,
But the tropical sun
Spoiled half of his fun
By burning the skin off his arse.

There was an old man of New York
Whose tool was as dry as a cork.
While attempting to screw
He split it in two,
Now he uses his tool as a fork.

There was a young lady named Perkin
Who swallowed an extra large gherkin.
Now she doesn't spend much
On Kotex and such,
On account of her drain isn't workin'.
B > 37 THEN X=1

37 THEN Z=1
325
EK(343)=247 THEN W=-1
ND ***
EK(338)=251 THEN X=-1
EK(338)=254 THEN X=1
EK(339)=251 THEN Y=-1
EK(345)=251 THEN Y=1
There was an old man from Robles
Who went out to dine with some nobles.
At the risk of his life,
He fucked the host's wife,
Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y 
And now, so 'tis said, he has no balls.

There was a young man from Tahiti
Who went for a swim with his sweetie,
And as he pursued her
A blind barracuda
Ran off with his masculinity.

There was a young fellow named Tom
Who ran screaming home to his mom.
The fear of the Bomb
Scared him back in the womb-----
The bastard, he wasn't so dumb!

There was an old rake from Stamboul
Felt his ardor grow suddenly cool.
No lack of affection
Reduced his erection----
But his zipper got caught in his tool.

There was a young girl of high station
Who ruined her fine reputation
When she said she'd the pox
From sucking on cocks-----
She should really have called it "fellation."

When the Bermondsey bricklayers struck,
Bill Bloggins was 'aving a fuck.
By un-ion rules
He 'ad to down tools----
Now wasn't that bloody 'ard luck!!

What did the fly say as he landed on the circular saw?
Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y 


"They're off...!!"

Did you hear the one about the pregnant sparrow?

She only did it for lark.

A MAN KEPT A LOCKED DRAWER IN HIS BEDROOM FOR 30 YEARS BUT ONE
DAY HE LEFT IT OPEN AND HIS WIFE FOUND TWO GOLF BALLS AND
$5,000 IN CASH IN IT. WHEN SHE ASKED HIM ABOUT IT, HE SAID
THAT EVERYTIME HE CHEATED ON HER HE PLACED A GOLF BALL IN THE
DRAWER. SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS GREAT THAT HE HAD ONLY CHEATED
TWICE IN 30 YEARS UNTIL HE TOLD HER THAT EVERYTIME HE
ACCUMULATED A DOZEN GOLF BALLS HE SOLD THEM FOR $10 !!!!!

Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes...???

Neither has she....!!!!

There was a young fellow named Rule,
Who went to a library school.
As he fingered the index
His thoughts ran to sex,
And his blood all ran to his tool.

A girl by the green Susquehanna
Said she would do it manana,
But her lover got sore
And sailed off to Lahore....
And now she must use a banana!!!!
Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y 

A widow whose singular vice
Was to keep her late husband on ice
Said, "It's been hard since I lost him--
I'll never defrost him!
Cold comfort, but cheap at the price."

There was a young girl of Asturias
With a penchant for practices curious.
She loved to bat rocks
With her gentlemen's cocks---
A practice both rude and injurious.

There was a young Queen of Baroda
Who built a new kind of pagoda.
The walls of its halls
Were festooned with the balls
And the tools of the fools who bestrode her.

What has 132 teeth and guards the Incredible Hulk....????

My zipper....!!!!

Sick joke department:

What do the initial letters NASA stand for...???

Need Another Seven Astronauts

Did you hear about the fellow who had diarrhea and ran all the
way to the doctor because he thought he was melting...???

Did you hear about the 95 year-old man who had been picked up
Continue (Y/N)? What?!? Y 
by a 20 year-old girl and spent the night with her? It seems
that about two weeks later he started to drip, so he visited
his doctor for advice - after a complete examination the
doctor asked the old man if he happened to know where the girl
lived. "Yes," said the old man, "and I have her phone number
as well." "In that case," said the doctor, "call her up right
away and get over there - you're about to come...!!!"
HELP ME I'M SINKING

COLORAMA MAIN MENU <<<
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<C>HAT <D>OWNLOAD
<E>XIT <?>HELP
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/bbs/humor.txt

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