“Make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life.”
The present is always overwhelming in its persistence, so we resort to recollecting the past which is recorded in lower resolution by memory, photography, writing, records, scars, impressions, shadows, names, or titles. The present is always hesitant to successful speculation because we can never perceive the back of our heads, behind the wall, beneath the stone, under the floor, after the turn, beyond the horizon, without definitions. With recollections all the uncertainties are dissolved, we only record and replay that which was noticed. In memory all happenings are dissolved into events, but in present they are steadfast situations poised to writhe, turn, bite and twist on their own accord, running wild without consideration for our methods.
i am interested in learning more about
- urban loneliness
- aphoristic instagram meme culture
- love languages
- building things with your hands
- baba yaga
- oral histories
- world building ; myth-making
When you’re sensitive and intense and prone to overthinking small things, and you come through a gauntlet of bad experiences and then fiiiiiinally establish a real life with a real human being, there are still going to be echoes of your deepest fears in the mix. The weird irony of finding real love and feeling secure and satisfied for the first time is that it just might make you feel safe and free enough to dig for the dangerous feelings you’ve been avoiding all your life. If you’re accustomed to loneliness and alienation, if you’re used to dark longings and daydreaming, those things will bubble to the surface occasionally, without warning.
“The way human beings speak is so heartbreaking to me—we never sound the way we want to sound. We’re always stopping ourselves in mid–sentence because we’re so terrified of saying the wrong thing. Speaking is a kind of misery. And I guess I comfort myself by finding the rhythms and accidental poetry in everyone’s inadequate attempts to articulate their thoughts. We’re all sort of quietly suffering as we go about our days, trying and failing to communicate to other people what we want and what we believe.”