something that no longer aligns with how they wish to appear

a heated moment of feeling “cringe,”

my self-constructed digital double

a perpetual first impression–one that constantly demands edits for clarity

Being on Instagram naturally extended this feeling. I could quickly let hundreds and then thousands of people immediately know about a new relationship, success, or experience. Others’ experience of my identity became mine to design. I felt like a god, being able to control people’s perceptions of myself in this way. Like Natasha Stagg’s protagonist in Surveys, who admits, “When I'm on a roll, I feel like I'm DJing the Internet.” It was thrilling, and it was hell.

For as long as I can remember, I have felt a hyper sense of awareness of who might be watching and what they might be thinking. There was no particular moment when I started to feel this way. Instead, working to always watch myself from an outside perspective feels like a precondition of being inside of my own mind.

“It’s this third person that’s not existed to any other generation [...] It’s in your head all the time.”

The history of networked technology is, and has been from its very genesis, a history of building hot girls