can i see your camera roll

For as long as I can remember, this has been one of my favorite feelings. To be alone in public, wandering at night, or lying close to the earth, anonymous, invisible, floating. […] To make your claim on public space even as you feel yourself disappearing into its largess, into its sublimity. To practice death by feeling completely empty, but somehow alive.

∆ Maggie Nelson, The Red Parts

Let the dying go on, and let me, if I can,
Inherit from disaster before I move.

At the checkout counter, I started stacking quarters as quickly as I could between nervous glances at the customers behind me.

“I’m really sorry this is taking so long,” I said.

“That’s OK,” the cashier said. “I meditate every morning so I can deal with turmoil like this.”

He added that he appreciated my commitment to the environment. It was the first positive feedback I’d received. I