“The only good teachers for you are those friends who love you, who think you are interesting, or very important, or wonderfully funny; whose attitude is:
‘Tell me more. Tell me all you can. I want to understand more about everything you feel and know and all the changes inside and out of you. Let me come out.’
And if you have no such friend and you want to write well, then you must imagine one.”
-Brenda Ueland from If You Want to Write
we never stopped sharing location even though we have long stopped sharing words
By middle age, some of the dearest people in your life have gently faded away.
You lose friends to marriage, to parenthood, to politics—even when you share the same politics. (Political obsessions are a big, underdiscussed friendship-ender in my view, and they seem to only deepen with age.) You lose friends to success, to failure, to flukish strokes of good or ill luck. (Envy, dear God—it’s the mother of all unspeakables in a friendship, the lulu of all shames.) These life changes and upheavals don’t just consume your friends’ time and attention. They often reveal unseemly characterological truths about the people you love most, behaviors and traits you previously hadn’t imagined possible.
“There are so many crushes in a lifetime, so many friendships that mix desiring-to-have with wanting-to-be. It’s the combination of wants that makes these longings confusing, dangerous, and queer. There is a desire to know that is already knowing, a curiosity for what you deep down recognize, a lust for what you are or could be. Writer Richard Lawson describes it as “the muddied confusion over whether you want to be someone’s companion or if you want to step inside their skin, to inhabit the world as they do.”
Excerpt From: Jenn Shapland. “My Autobiography of Carson McCullers.” Apple Books.
List of media I feel like represent how I've felt about love/seen love:
Movie: 20th Century Women, Call Me By Your Name, C'mon C'mon, Frances Ha, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Marriage Story (almost want to put La La Land on here but I think there's movies on this list that do it better)
TV: Normal People, Fleabag
Books: Alone With You In The Ether - Olivie Blake, Call Me By Your Name - Andre Aciman, Pachinko, A Little Life, The Namesake