"Do stuff. Be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration's shove or society's kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It's all about paying attention. Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager.”
The best relationship book I know, hands down, is A Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. It’s phenomenal. Schnarch defines self-differentiation as the ability to “maintain who you are while you’re close to the people important to you.” I think this is something that always everyone who tends towards insecure attachment misses: they long for either emotional fusion or avoid their loved ones as a way of defending themselves against engulfment. But if you’re sufficiently differentiated, you don’t need to fuse to feel safe, and you don’t need to hide to maintain your own individuality.
You don’t succeed at relationships by depriving people, you succeed by giving. But you have to know how to give without hurting yourself. A good test for this: can you maintain boundaries when you’re around people you love? Do you behave in a way you feel happy with, or do you betray yourself?
“Without new visions, we don’t know what to build, only what to knock down. We not only end up confused, rudderless, and cynical, but we forget that making a revolution is not a series of clever maneuvers and tactics, but a process that can and must transform us.”
Robin D.G. Kelley, Freedom Dreams: The Black Radical Imagination
When you’re deeply sensitive, love is ecstasy. Music is godlike. Heartache is a wide, somatic wound. Visual natural beauty is jewel-drenched, wild bliss. Tension and conflict are muscle tightening and toxic, straight down to the cells. So how do you hold it all? You rinse, re-centre, and remain clear. You recycle your sensitivity by propelling yourself and others to create waves of change in a super starving world. Direct your passion by spreading your heart only across what clearly matters most. Surround yourself with the souls and spaces that groove alongside your own- the ones that also desire to chase the beauty, courage and freedom we’re all here to teach each other. Choose love over fear and let go of all the rest, breathing what isn’t best for you straight out of your bones. Remember-there is power in the body. Harness it for the greater good, and allow nothing confusing, peace disrupting, or hurtful stand in its way.
| Victoria Erickson