To find a new world, maybe you have to have lost one. Maybe you have to be lost. The dance of renewal, the dance that made world, was always danced here at the edge of things, on the brink, on the foggy coast.
“Not everyone we connect with is going to be able to reciprocate our love. Sometimes we are ready and another person is not. Sometimes we choose someone and they cannot choose us back… And that is okay. You have to understand that that is okay…Someone’s inability to choose me is not a reflection of me, or my value, or my worth. However, it is also not something I need to grip at and dissect and turn into pain.
Sometimes life weathers people in different ways. We are all on this earth just trying to figure ourselves out. Just trying to mend the breaks in our souls, just trying to deal with what is heavy within us.
Sometimes we are ready and another person is not. Sometimes we try and another person does not. Sometimes we put ourselves into another human being and they cannot contain all that we are…Sometimes we choose to make things work and another person decides that they cannot choose that same reality and that is okay.
Because at the end of the day if someone does not meet you where you are, you cannot keep asking them to do so. If someone cannot reciprocate your love, if someone cannot give you what you truly deserve, you have to understand that aching them to do so before they are ready, is a form of self-destruction…You have to let this person grow on their own terms because you cannot love someone into their potential. You cannot love someone into being ready — they have to do that on their own.”
— Bianca Sparacino
“The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.”
— Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
“In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight.” — Ram Dass
Principles in development for Liberated Relationships:
Radical honesty: No omissions, no white lies, no projections. Ask the questions you really want answered, speak your truth, and let the relationship build inside all that reality. Just a note from experience, the small lies can be the hardest tot shop telling. "No I don't want to get on the phone right now, can we just text?"; "I'm busy catching up on my reality TV show"; "Real cow milk ice cream"; or "I know I said I didn't want to ___, but now I do." However, the more you practice this, the more you will find yourself spending your waking hours in the ways you want to, the ways that honor the miracle of your existence, which was not given to you to waste in polite avoidance of hurting people's feelings. You will find that you can be honest and kind, you can be honest and compassionate.
Acknowledge the dynamics, then keep growing. Have an understanding on the front end of the race, class, gender, ability, geographic, and other power dynamics that exist between you. And also remember that there are constructs. Be in the complexity of living inside these constructs while evolving between them through relationship.
Relinquish Frankenstein. You are not creating people to be with, or work with, some idealized individuals made of perfect parts of personality that you discovered on your life journey. You are meeting individuals with their own full lives behind and ahead of them. Stop trying to make and fix others, and instead be curious about what they have made of themselves.