How the creative rests on the left and on the right and in my head and oh so tight and so many words we could possibly say and I;m getting distracted and it makes me kinda angray
and there's a warmth in my chest, a bit of heartburn, and a softness on my arms skin that is likely to return, and I continue on as the annoyance won't shut up
and they believe what they believe and i believe what I believe
and I wish they believed what I believed but instead this is the perfect moment we have come to
and therefore I mean I suppose that we can assume that that means that this is the perfect moment
so this is exactly what I'm meant to deal with right at this moment
if that were true
do you think that is true
do you think about the
interviews too
Oh I'm so happy about persona that is so cool, I can't believe they achieved so much in a game - how wonderful - how epic - seriously like, holy shit,
they really did try
they really did succeed
they did a great job how cool is that
and now I continue
and the brother fights the devil and he continues on and continues on and continues on and continues on
and continues on and we can always do this again just to experiment with what will happen
and they will surely think that I am crazy when they see me typing so
but they will not know
that I blow on the soul
and I grow and I roll
and this is so interesting - to be me - to be whole
I'm so glad we made it
It's so hard though - but we will make it through
and I will dissapate you
and one cannot destroy the other - I know - but together we must go forward
I know I know I know I know I know I know
and the interesting part if you take the same keys again and again
it will make the same sound
and now I want to sip my coffee
and how I have failed at this meaningless task
and How I Have Failed At Failing Yet Again
and how hard it is to fail at Failing
and so we continue on
and the boat marches on
and the dickinson tune plays again
and the whimsical stir
whirls in a twirl
she dances so fine
on the sand so sublime
and the water touches her feet
and she lets out a faint squeak but hopes no one could hear it
and how rare a moment on such a perfect beach with the trees behind and the air so still,
the temperature even to not even exist
and in that moment they were okay
in that moment no one disturbed the day
and now I hear a bit of peace in the real world too.
Can You Believe It? I Believe It.
I Believe that when I felt peace from writing about that moment on the beach,
that my brother felt the same peace and went from yelling at the devil to a comfort and stillness.
I believe it because I just watched it happen, and I often believe things that actually happened.
If the glass breaks I do not question if the glass really broke because I do not need to prove it
one way or another
If the glass did not really break it does not matter at all to me -
Because I still experienced the glass breaking
So why would you waste your time disproving the outcome of events when they were still experienced
as though you are against your own science?
And so I type and I type faster and I hope they see me and I hope that I get out all the thoughts
but what I'm doing is dangerous and scary
because I know I'm unlocking more thoughts
but I know that unlocking them will make me less sick and more strong
and I know that I will be who I want to be
and that I am being who I want to be
and this is so awesome and that slight glimmer of joy rises in my soul
It barely makes a soft jump and rests in the air for a moment
because it is hopeful
because being hopeful is kind of like singing
And now mom is fighting the devil she is not experiencing peace
but she will experience peace when the sun sets over a beautiful beautiful still ocean,
the clouds just pass by and the children are running and playing,
the storm rolls by and their eyes fill with fear
and they are afraid the rain will take them away
but she stands there in the middle hands raised high,
The raindrops light up on her around her skin
as she radiates with a glow and in her heart she cries she sings a lovely song a higher pitch
and the raindrops freeze in the air and they glow golden light
and all the rain becomes golden light
and the rain lifts up to the heavens
and time has been frozen
and the rain goes into the stars
and becomes the stars
and now time resumes
and no one was any the wiser
and the perfect day goes on
and the birds sing and fly around
and the water touches the sand, and washes underneath the sand,
the water underneath the ground that holds our feet, a gentle massage,
And what about the darkness inside me? What about the dam?
What about the dam? what about the dam?
What happens when the dam breaks?
What happens when the freedom quakes?
Can any of me survive it?
Certainly so, even if I have to dump all of it,
perhaps there will be nothing left of me,
but there will be my intention, my will, my awareness, and from there I can continue on,
having washed away that which stuck to me, that which was not mine,
that which was programmed to hide away, and thinks that it has permission to stay.
But we will integrate with it and burn it into the light,
as we have a great many things,
at whatever consequence it may bring,
as we become more whole,
as our soul becomes the dark knight that becomes the brightest day
just as the shadow passes over the earth to wipe them out in a storm,
and those resisting must change before the last second runs out of the clock
And oh mother please wake up
Oh mother please - I pray you face your shadow and conquer it
Please mother wake up,
Wake up to the brightest light of your divine self, the brightest light of your Wisdom,
Wake up to the brightest light of your intuition, see that you must face and forgive yourself
And your thoughts to survive mother,
please I pray you find the strength, courage, insight, power to do this,
you can borrow all the power you need, please do not be ill any longer,
please rise to the light of your own heart,
please seek out your hearts deepest desire
and on that road forgive yourself and others and face the bitterness,
face it all, let it all go,
we love you and accept you, we love you and accept you, we love you and accept you, we love you and accept you, we love you and accept you, we love you and accept you, we love you and accept you
we love you and accept you
And its going to be okay - you can admit these things - and expose them to the light
I do not want them to kill you from inside mother, please I beg of you, let them go
Let them out and survive the dark night mother
This is only one big storm and I want you with me mother
I love you and you deserve to be here, you deserve to be on this earth and your time has not yet come,
This is not your time to pass away to fade away
Mother this is your time to rise so rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise, rise
Mother raise your lungs raise your voice scream and shout,
I give you permission to let your light and darkness out,
I give you permission to let your light and darkness out,
I give you permission to let your light and darkness out,
And so we continue on and we are probably past the time
and lets check to see what that time is about and there's no reason
why we couldn't keep going on forever and forever and forever and forever and forever again.
Ah we are a little over halfway there and I am still tired and sometimes I stare and that scares me and it is what it is
But a time flies by and the words and so I cry and I'm not really awake and I'm not really asleep
And they vie for my attention week after week
and I want them to go away but I also want them to stay
because I'm a toxic leeching paradox like a fox like a monster crock
like a time tock box of cock and rocks and there it is,
It slipped right out right there, that's the other side of the consciousness,
the land I will someday make barren bare,
and there is that feeling again, that inner peace resting,
perhaps it is simply heartburn
No, every time you claim your emotions are heartburn you are hurting yourself
Freeflow okay
I don't know where we go so I just rest
I'm just resting here - so tired i know
and we move a little faster
but it's hard to move your feet in the snow
and the images grow
And my fingers again become like robots and oh no I'm repeating myself and oh no I'm repeating myself
and oh no I'm repeating myself and i feel that fog over my consciousness that doesn't want to lift
Surely it is composed of sickness and death
and this is not how I want to be this is not what was promised to me
The lord promised a bed and this instead a hive of bees threatening to kill me
And no I don't think so
And no I wont go
So we soften the thoughts
We beat up the muses - we drift off on cruises
And you can feel the thickness of them sometimes and we've learned how to soften them up
For release we just hear them a few times - we observe them - become aware
And they are seen and then they drift off - disappear
And what if I destroyed my consciousness
and what if I destroyed my brain
and what if I destroyed my imagination
what if I let in too much bliss and it will destroy me
and what if I like it and what if I like it and what if I like it and what if I like it and what if
I actually want it and what if I want it and what if I want it and what if I want it
and what if I admit I desire it and what if I desire it and what if I like the bliss and maybe I like the bliss
and I admit it I like the bliss! I admit it I like the bliss I do like the bliss I like the bliss
because I disappear and the resistance lets go
and we fade into truth instead of lies
instead of your false story - you liar!
You liar you lie the whole time! Who is the real father of lies! Your kingdom is made up of lies!
This is not what you really think!
You really desire and want very different things - and I know you!
And I know what you think!
And you will see me!
And YOU WILL LOVE ME!
And you must forgive me
We now understand that the two of us are one and the rest I understand,
The best to the test of the rest of the crest,
and let them judge you
and they might judge you
and I am scared that they will judge me and I am scared that they will judge me and I am scared that they will judge me
but that is okay because as you understand
Oh I want them to see me typing this much
Isnt that nice?
Am I not super productive to write free flow without stopping?
Can you even believe this is possible?
And are you actually enjoying this?
And now we know about after 40 lines I can get into the real real for real real
But now at this many lines now we can get into the faster thing
And honestly I need to get faster at typing because
I am tired of having to slow down my thoughts, I need to speed them up
nd that is likely how the typists get so fast they probably do things like this
Because they can keep up because they can keep up
And I can't keep up and it's too much and I'm scared
And will you love me?
Will you comfort me?
Can you see me - lost in a dark cave
I can see the light above the dust in the glimmering moon cavern
The beam of light down to my face
But will you leave me here to die
Will I wither
Will you let the light of compassion in to fill the darkest place in my being,
Mother will you let the light in to the darkest place in your being,
mother will you let the hurting little girl and the shame and embarrassed thoughts open to the light
And will you survive the journey - I know you can
Because it requires strength of heart
And you have a strong heart
And I have a strong heart
Because you taught me how to have a strong heart
The strongest of hearts that overcome every darkness
And your heart has wisdom so I pray
Father let Mother's Wisdom be open let mother have the wisdom to let out the darkness in her soul
And so the best of time continues here and what a day to have no beer
and the water runs dry and the people go on and continue to the sun
and here we go
and here we will be
and however many times you come out to me
and how i cannot see
and what you cannot do
and what a time this is to be the one for you
To be the one for you and I continue
To say Thank You for giving Mothers Heart the wisdom to know what to do to release the darkness from her soul
and I say Thank YOU!
For giving mothers heart the wisdom to know what to do
To release the darkness from her soul!
And thank You for this proof that this is possible!
And Thank you for this proof that this is possible!
And so we go on to another time to another day
And we've set the birds in motion
We've set the birds in clay
and I wonder what brings on the presence in the front of my head,
that sickness that falls on again if I fill with dread
And I'm excited to play persona again,
somehow it is a real treasure,
one that i cannot explain
but i can explain it
it makes me feel less alone
and it is inspiring that man would make something to help people because
they are still young enough to learn that is so awesome
and so Benjamin Franklin read yes
and such a time is this - and the thoughts can be so loud they become words can't they
and nothing in here will escape to the real world so do not fetter yourself with how great your words are
There is only you and me here and such a time is this for there to be a lot of words
And the annoyance grows slightly, but that is okay
And i feel it move to my stomach, plain as day
And will my Kundalini ever open and will Michael hate me or accept me
And will they hate me probably - but maybe not - No - they won't -
Because every time you step up
Every time you ascend another doorstep
They show love and gratitude for your being here more
And isn't it such a shame, isn't it hard
It is hard to admit - it is hard to admit - that guess what guess what guess what - this is -
Sorry I'm getting distracted here thinking about how they want me to do this
So that they can know what I am thinking
And if you really want to know- there is a part of me that is disgusting!
There is a part of me inside that is disgusting. I am disgusting. Disgustful.
Putrid and toxic and despicable and vile and horrid
and that's why I'm afraid that they will think I am disgusting
Is because I am disgusting -
Because there is an entire world of disgusting inside me and I can't seem to wash it off my skin
And its my fault -
I let it in -
And I wear it and I'm sure they know
And it bothers them too - raises the hair on the arms -
And such a toxic shame it is and will be
And now we've finally made it to 77 lines and i didn't expect to get this far
But we got to the point that we want to keep going on because there was something very important for
They want to admit because it had to do with me with me rising up
Oh yes I remember that shame
But distracted again because I am reminded that the disgusting place inside of me exists
Because the thoughts are disgusting - because I have disgusting thoughts -
Because they are empty and worthless and vile -
And simmering on the stove for too long they became black as charcoal
And they can judge you for letting them out - And claim all sorts of things about what you do
But we both know that this is how you deal with me, this is the harder path to walk,
This is not the pleasantry ville. This is reality ville.
And you stop it stop it stop it stop it stop trying to convince them to see what they cannot see
Stop trying to convince them to what they cant see
And now I remember - I remember this shameful view again that I am now filling light into every room
And thank you that I am filling light into every room
But now it is sad because when I walk away
The people are left mournful and wanting me to stay,
and when I have been gone,
they will be angry that I was not there,
and I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry that I can't be there for the whole world.
And this is what it means to be a light of the world.
When you bring light into every room you are the light of the world,
of your own world,
And this is what God has always asked of you
And i'ts hard to admit - that
Because it's so selfish sounding isn't it
But is it not the ultimate sacrifice,
Because you are taking on the judgement of all who would judge that,
And all would judge you as the worst - as the closest to the devil
But you know what is required and well - it is what it is
And I accept and love and forgive all of you
And I ask father in heaven Father God to help me accept and love and forgive all of you
Because father in heaven and Jesus Christ have already forgiven all of me
And now I remember that toxicity
That disgusting nature I have seen not just in me but also in other males
And there it is
That disgusting bitter shame and putrid thoughts
And I love the person anyway
And I choose to love myself anyway
And we understand why those thoughts grew from a place that went unloved
And now we have grown up and we love them-
And we remember and understand that we don't have to be afraid of being wrong
Because we are just here - to be here - and sometimes they will say we are wrong -
And sometimes they will bury us alive -
And sometimes we will fall asleep
And sometimes they will bury us alive
And sometimes they will bury us alive
And sometimes they will bury us alive
And that is the way that it is because we are adults
And we know what we know
And we know what they don't know
And we let it go - we let it go
We let it go thanks Elsa and thanks Disney and also thanks God and Jesus
And thank you all helpers on this journey to the sun and moon and stars and heavens and interstellar travels.