While it may seem strange that being actively there for your partner makes it easier to seek independence from them, it’s actually an example of what psychologists call the dependency paradox. “There’s a direct link between feeling securely attached and the exploratory drive,” said Dr. Levine.
On my windowsill when I got home, there was a tumbler with pink jelly in it, and embedded in the jelly, sliced strawberries and bananas… [my neighbour] cooks at odd hours. She must have made the strawberry jelly this morning. When I buy baklava, which is not often because I eat too many, I leave a few for her on her windowsill, with a headscarf over them so the wasps don’t come. For these little gifts we don’t thank each other with words. They are commas of care.
∆ "commas of care," John Berger, From A to X: A Story in Letters