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What I’ve always tried to tell my children is, you can be attracted to lots of people in a very superficial way and you’re going to experiment with relationships, you are, because you have to get to know this dance, and you’re going to make mistakes. But what you really need to do is listen to yourself and listen to when you feel safe and when dancing with someone is easy and makes you feel good, and when you can be vulnerable for a moment and that person tunes in and cares about your vulnerability. That’s the person to go with.
-Emotional responsiveness: the willingness to tune into you emotionally, and to allow themselves to tune into your non verbals or words and to allow themselves to feel what youre feeling and who respond to that in a way that you feel that you matter
Conflict is the virus, the inflammation is the emotional disconnection. You cant connect to the person & cant get them to respond to you. The person is in the room but theyre not paying attention to you.
couple: 1 demanding and getting angry 2 defending and distancing
what 1 really saying is where are you where are you
im all by myself, he doesnt care about me, im not important to him, and that im by myself --> desperation under the anger