-narrowly conveyed self, thoughts, ideas, concepts. warped and compacted into easily-digestible form. over-simplification, loss of nuance. dimensionality inherently flattened.
-informs our sense of identity as something to be consumable.
-even when ppl refute the surface-level/mainstream use of instagram with radical “authenticity” “honesty” “transparency”/ an instagram ~anti- aesthetic~, it will always be a façade. distillation and curation.
-a simplified channel in which to pour our energy, attention, time, creativity, and sense of self. what would it look like to let that channel dry up and reroute into other mediums? what previously unimaginable things could emerge, evolve?
-giving others immediate access to (a version of) ourselves. what is the cost of being so easily digitally perceived, accessible, explored, influenced?
-actions become social-media oriented; curated to be ~shown~, palatable. rather than existing and growing organically, in reality.
-AKA deriving more pleasure from SHOWING OURSELVES DOING than ACTUALLY DOING. digital exhibitionism.
-our dislikes are amplified (/unfairly created). easier to project upon others when we experience a distant, distorted, contrived version of them. we see what we want to see.
-remain tethered to people from our past. it’s alluring to keep open the possibility of deeper connection. but sometimes connection remains merely because of etiquette to mutually “follow”; insulting and invalidating if rejected in that assumption.
-affirmation to ourselves that we exist, via being seen and interacted with by others. who am i if i am not constantly proclaiming that i exist? (ego-driven). methodically thrusting ourselves into the minds of others whenever we want. indulging in the validations, comforts, thrills, implications of that proclamation. while simultaneously feeling indefinitely anxious/anticipatory of certain peoples' acceptance or validation (quality), or "enough" of it (quantity). paradoxically fills and drains us.
-may foster connectivity but simultaneously breeds comparison, jealousy
-the most beautiful things that have happened in my life have not remotely occurred on or via social media. why play into creating and winning these crumbs of dopamine and validation? it’s such a weak, artificial thread of “happiness”/satisfaction. it isn’t real.
-allows access into people's lives (???)
Strive to balance your basic needs: A large number of studies have confirmed that humans across cultures have a need for autonomy, competence, relatedness, security, and self-esteem.
Set and make efficient progress toward self-concordant goals: It's important that you feel as though your self is constantly in steady forward motion. It's important that the goals that you set have high "self-concordance". People with high self-concordant goals have identified goals that are consistent with their identity, basic needs, personality, and talents.
Choose your goals and social roles wisely: Setting extrinsic goals (such as money, beauty and status) tend to make you less happy, whereas attaining intrinsic goals (such as intimacy, community, and personal growth) tend to lead to enhanced well-being (see here). It's also important to choose social roles that best fit your unique personality.
Strive toward personality integration: Integrated people also reported higher levels of self-esteem, openness to new experiences, vitality, satisfaction with life, self-actualization, positive moods, and fewer negative moods.
Work toward modifying problematic aspects of yourself or your world: Not all of our potentialities will help us make progress toward our self-concordant goals. Some aspects of our personality, like anxiety or disagreeableness, can downright get in the way of making progress toward becoming an optimal human. So the advice here is to not mindlessly accommodate your entire nature, but work on bringing out the character strengths and virtues that will best help you achieve your self-concordant goals.
Take responsibility for your goals and choices: After making a decision about which goal you wish to adopt, embrace the goal with all of your being, and consciously align your identity with the goal.
Listen to your "organismic valuing process" and be prepared to change your goals if it seems necessary: The path toward becoming a fully functioning person requires developing increasing trust in your own ability to know what is important to you, and what is essential for you to live a more fulfilling life. People tend to move toward intrinsic goals (e.g., emotional intimacy, personal growth, societal contribution) and/or away from extrinsic goals (e.g., material possessions, physical attractiveness, social popularity) over an extended period of time. Bottom line: trust yourself to abandon a goal if it is no longer appropriate for your growth.
Transcend your self: Self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence. Integrate yourself into the larger social systems in which you are embedded. Don't just search for things that are useful to you, but be useful to others.
Now, how to listen? It is harder than you think. I don't believe in critical listening, for that only puts a person in a strait jacket of hesitancy. He begins to choose his words solemnly or primly. His little inner fountain can not spring. Critical listeners dry you up. But creative listeners are those who want you to be recklessly yourself, even at your worst, even vituperative, bad-tempered. They are laughing and just delighted with any manifestation of yourself, bad or good. For true listeners know that if you are bad-tempered it does not mean that you are always so. They don't love you just when you are nice; they love all of you.
Solidarity does not assume that our struggles are the same struggles, or that our pain is the same pain, or that our hope is for the same future. Solidarity involves commitment, and work, as well as the recognition that even if we do not have the same feelings, or the same lives, or the same bodies, we do live on common ground.
Here are steps for changing your attitude and overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts
Label these thoughts as "intrusive thoughts."
Remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and not up to you.
Accept and allow the thoughts into your mind. Do not try to push them away.
Float, and practice allowing time to pass.
Remember that less is more. Pause. Give yourself time. There is no urgency.
Expect the thoughts to come back again
Continue whatever you were doing prior to the intrusive thought while allowing the anxiety to be present.
Try Not To:
- Engage with the thoughts in any way.
- Push the thoughts out of your mind.
- Try to figure out what your thoughts "mean." Check to see if this is “working” to get rid of the thoughts
My 9th grade teacher once said, it’s hard to be defensive when someone is touching your hand. Try it… it’s a very powerful, involuntarily vulnerable act.