Every time a school semester ends it feels weird but this time I feel way more oriented to stuff I have going on outside of the classroom instead of seeing school as my biggest creative driving force. Kind of major and I love that. BUT it makes school not a priority which is hard because I'm paying for it?
A man does not really begin to be alive until he has lost himself, until he has released the anxious grasp which he normally holds upon his life, his property, his reputation and position.
"I believed for a long time that there was strength in vulnerability, and I really don't believe that anymore. "Strength" and "vulnerability" sound opposite as words. And so to combine them sounds wise, but I don't know if it is wise.
It's just this realization that hit me: "Oh, right, it's a choice whether you will be truthful or a liar." If I start to tell a story and then I decide not to tell the story anymore, I can stop. It's my story. The expectation for artists to be vulnerable and truthful is a lot, you know? When it's no longer a choice.
Like, in order for me to satisfy expectations, there needs to be an outpouring of my heart or my experiences in a very truthful, vulnerable way. I'm more interested in lies than that. Like, give me a full on motion-picture fantasy."
Unpopular take: Not all intimacy and vulnerability have to be developed through the societally beloved "communication solves everything" funnel.
I don't think that communication solves everything, especially in its elusive and technologically entrenched current state. What would be a more useful discussion in my opinion is how to cultivate quality communication based on individual needs and styles specific to those individuals aka there is no "one size fits all". I'd like to develop communication of a higher quality rather than quantity as I believe it would help lead to those relationship-specific adjustments. I think the same thing extends to this idea of "self care" that's continually shoved down my throat. Is it a semantics thing? Thinking of an argument by Zadie Smith that contemplates how drastically changing our terminology could also help reframe/reshape the ways that we think about the principles themselves.
I think practical discussion about material improvements and methods beyond "going for a walk" or "treat yourself" or "HOW IS IT SERVING YOU" would also be helpful.
I also think there's an understated value in non-communicative forms of intimacy and vulnerability - that is, beyond verbal communications. The more silent I am, the better I feel. The less reactionary I have been and instead, more responsive to my inner reflections and distinguishing between being present and being "around" have enhanced my relationship with myself as well as others.
More on this another time.
¿Quién, en el seno de ciertas angustias, en el fondo de algunos sueños, no ha percibido la muerte como una sensación rompiente y maravillosa?
"In surrealism, objects are both very realistic and fantastic (meaning unrealistic). Another element of Surrealism is the absurd juxtaposition of objects... The goal is for it not to make complete sense but instead work on the spectrum of dreams or altered state of mind.It's intended to represent the real process of thought. Free of control from any sort of reason aesthetic, or moral. Early Surrealist saw this untapped inner psyche as the true source of dreams, imagination, and true mind of poetry and felt it needed to be explored."
Porque nadie vería lo que había visto él,
nadie lo comprendería. Estaba habituado a aquella sensación. La tenía desde que
nació, pero, antes, había intentado compensarla, como si fuera culpa suya. Lo había
hecho con su carácter dulce, buscando la aprobación de su padre, sus profesores, sus
Patti Smith - Eramos unos niños