“My father once told me about agape love. In his introduction and explanation of agape as an idea and practice of true unconditional love, he mentioned a very commonly held misconception. This misconception resided in the “why,” the fundamental reasoning for the presence of love itself. In its frequent justification, “I love you” would precede, “because of…” which would often precede a list of conditions, sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, intellectual, etc. Despite the endearing nature of any of these conditions, they all nonetheless, revealed the love that they described as conditional. They were reminiscent of either previous, present, or predicted future conditions of the relationships. My father proposed that agape, or unconditional love be based on one’s ever changing self, and the unwavering partnering of that, to that same self-manifested as another. “I love you not because of you, but because of “I,” I love you because “I am,” my father corrected. He then went on to advise that if I approached love as an inward process first, there-by deepening a love “myself,” to a love of “self”, and then approached the love of another through that understanding, those processes, whether kindly, romantic, or platonic, would be stronger and have more longevity.

The clarity in my father’s ponderings on self-love, drove me to name this song, inspired by them, Lavender. Though the song sonically emits lavender, it was the etymology and history of the word lavender that resonated with me and solidified the songs name. Lavender, a name for a flower as well as a color, potentially, comes from Latin “lavare", to wash, reflecting the plants historic usage as an aromatic agent in washing fabrics.

My father’s thoughts on self-love returned to me many years later in moments when I needed to withdraw from the commotion and cloudiness of relationships built on seeking love externally. In my withdrawal and cultivation of self-love, I felt clear and cleansed. I felt washed.“ – KAMAU

Kamauu - lavindur Lyrical Breakdown