Codependency is a learned pattern of chronic neglect of self in order to gain love, approval, or validation.

We learn this pattern as children through our earliest attachments (relationships) with parents.

If we experience emotional neglect, if we aren’t seen, heard, + allowed to uniquely express ourselves, we develop a core spiritual wound. We develop a lack of connection with our true self.

This lack of connection with self causes us to desperately seek our sense of self through others.

We become obsessive about romantic partners. Their behavior. What it means. And many of us unconsciously seek to change our partners. To get them to see us. To get them to finally choose us— just as we did as children because we had no choice.

At the core of codependency is a deep fear of abandonment.

Many people connect codependency with substance abuse. This can absolutely be the case, but the most common addiction within codependency is an emotional addiction.

The highs and the lows. The cycles of rejection then being chosen. The powerful chemical cocktail of stress hormones running through the body as our adult attachments activate the trauma body memory of unresolved childhood attachments.

Codependency isn’t a bad thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s something to become curious about.

We can unlearn the patterns of codependency + begin to develop interdependent relationships where we have secure attachments with others while also having self autonomy.

Healing from codependency is an act of deep spiritual healing where we learn to restore self trust (through keeping small promises) + honor our own needs, boundaries, + freedom