Feel Good does such a good job discussing addiction and sobriety, and especially the underlying issues.
Yep, yep, yep. “Alcohol is but a symptom” is what they say in recovery meetings. A lot of us use relationships as a balm. We’re like, Love me, and then I won’t have to deal with myself. I was always that kind of person, too. There were so many things I wanted in my life — I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted to be an actor — but I was really scared. So I would occupy my time with crushes. I would have crushes on people, and I would let it be so all-consuming. Because it was easier to think about them than to, like, write. Which I think is why, ultimately, the person with whom I make a life is another creative person. He’s like, “I’m gonna go write.” He’s not here for me to be obsessed with him. He’s like, “I’m gonna go do stuff; you should do stuff too.” And I’m like “Ugh, fine.”

Everything is beautiful and I am so sad.
This is how the heart makes a duet of
wonder and grief. The light spraying
through the lace of the fern is as delicate
as the fibers of memory forming their web
around the knot in my throat. The breeze
makes the birds move from branch to branch
as this ache makes me look for those I’ve lost
in the next room, in the next song, in the laugh
of the next stranger. In the very center, under
it all, what we have that no one can take
away and all that we’ve lost face each other.
It is there that I’m adrift, feeling punctured
by a holiness that exists inside everything.
I am so sad and everything is beautiful.

⚘ Adrift – Mark Nepo