It’s my birthday and I gave myself the gift of a new name.
I loved being Reina. I claimed the name as my own at a time when I felt so much shame, blame and guilt about my beauty as a trans person. It was so hard for me to take up space, I literally apologized all the time for existing. Having the name Reina made me like nothing was wrong with me. The word is so powerful, just by saying it I got to be a queen even when I didn’t feel like I could be. The more I introduced myself, the more at home I felt in myself, my magic and power.
I had so much scarcity come up when I first realized it was time to change again. “What about my website?? What about all the gigs I’ve booked, ways I’ve been credited? Will people connect those past accomplishments with my new name?” and so on & so forth.
Like many of us, I’ve been taught that there’s only one way to go and that’s up. And in order to ascend I need to maintain a consistent image of myself; I can’t be messy and I can’t be off. But I’m not a brand. I’m not the same person I was when I first changed my name, and I’m definitely not the same person I was on my birth day when my parents named me. The truth is we are all changing all the time. There’s infinite ways to honor that and for me releasing Reina and changing my name to a stone I love, been held by and am deeply entangled with is one of them, a way for me to come more firmly into myself. I’m so thankful to have the love and support to do this change dance once again.
Please call me Tourmaline.