self portrait 02

[website home page: a bunch of captcha images with this poem in background]
i am inputting values into a web system believed to know The Me Who I (Probably) Wish I Was
am i just trying to avoid the all knowing, ever-intrusive-only-forward powers of The Internet?

bring in the water bearer, i am ready to turn the tides.

the Target brand acrylic on Target brand canvas,
a small moth trapped in the corner of the wooden frame custom made by zach
(in 2017, when i was mad at him upon receiving and Handled It Pretty Poorly)—
true in practice but not intention; it is time to begin again

unsure of what i "encompass," or if disassurance is where i want to remain, i perform
holding steadfast to the possibility of existing outside of choice.
sacrifice made right at the start of the path
proceed further and lose ur brain
is it true? we dunked into the cosmic slop at the millennium.
i am blinded in my quests for more/new knowledge
a part of me learned, basking in the ooze

no more thinking, "we" know
and "we" can take it from here

"we" are going to be here for a while
but "we" are still looking at the same thing
yeah that's okay "i'm" the only way to get the money
back in the front of your house
so sorry we missed your meeting yesterday

there is no confusion, no comparison, no questions to answer.
i am here—learning, breathing,
worrying, hoping,
trembling. fighting. i have to. i get to.
my tools are Smart—i have them to thank
but my gratitude ends here
i owe them nothing, i feed them not lies but certainly not truths
they'll never make my soul


  • exploring my brain and the web. putting my thoughts into words, and putting those words on the web, and visualizing this process. I'm feeding my thoughts to the internet, and it is going to generate its own self portrait of me.
  • airdrop link to website; read poem (above) at the beginning
  • play the video—screen recordings of me typing my thoughts into continuous new web browsers.
  • code away—make all the questions separate webpages and create/code the text to art image generated by that question as the background of that page


  • have 3:30 minutes of activity and then 30 seconds of the mac drifting background to mark the breathing breaks.
  • subtitles! should be yellow with black outline and italic helvetica-esque font

browser search topics

⁃ why do we get so defeated about how we fix our problems?
- am i a good writer?
- what's in store for me?
- how do you make the perfect risotto?
- really what's stopping me from dying tomorrow?
- what moves me beyond "changing the world?"
- how can i change my world?
- how do i activate myself in my community
- avoiding burnout in capitalist systems (delete then rewrite "managing" burnout)
- anonymity and design
- codesigning equity
- is physical space the place?
- do i need a job or just money?
- is all this deep thinking making me crazy?


  • make the three categories separate web pages and create/code all the questions into text to art generator and make the resulting image float and transform on the site
  • link to art generator
  • hover tutorial
  • maybe if i split the number of questions into 3 categories then each site can house each section and the background of each will be the image generated from my questions

3/22 - Check in notes

overall notes

  • incorporate self portrait 1 in the project
  • make a claim about how my brain is different from google, how my brain is structured vs how google is structured
  • use the yellow from the self portrait in the web code
  • i still think i should or want to include a break in there. if this is 12 minutes long, then i can code for 3:30 and then 30 seconds of breath x3
  • maybe if the project is broken into three pieces, i can live code three different sites...have the set up for the sites done beforehand so that i don't take up time doing that. link to reverse thesaurus!

questions i still have

  • how do i incorporate my audience?
  • should i break content into 3 categories?
  • will there be any existing website other than one that hosts the video?
  • can i figure out how to program a website so that when you click the link, different webpages pop up one at a time?

next steps

  • start recording the video

notes from class

Kerri - Interesting to think about networks in the brain. Will self-portrait 1 be involved in the presentation? Can the yellow color follow through the presentation … similar to the way the brain is organized? Video will be playing and Kellyn will be coding at the same time.
Are you speaking while coding? Kellyn is not planning on saying anything, but she plans to give that more thought.
Ariel - What’s the video? Visual representing stream of thought. Will also screen record.
Kellyn - What should be playing and what will be live is still a question.
Emma - Say more about your brain and searching and Google. What drives the thoughts?
Kellyn - This is taking thoughts and entering it into (feeding) the internet. I’m giving it to the internet to see what I'm thinking.
Sanaz - Do you want to use the social media data you collected for our visualization project?
Ariel - What do you mean by decoding? Are you playing with the term or using it in a different way?
Ariel - You're deconstructing it and then you’re coding it. Maybe categorize it.
Ariel - You seem to be between the two project prompts. It might make it easier to chose one of them. If you choose too muchness, a question to ask is what are the limits?
Ariel - Somewhere between your brain and the web seems to follow the second prompt. Excited about a live coding and searching.
Emma - Excited about the spontaneity. Might be interested in making a claim about the difference between your brain and Google. Make a claim about how your brain is structured.
Ariel - What do expect to happen minute by minute, and your intention for the audience.


GENERAL CONCEPT: a live self portrait, an exploration of "too muchness"

⁃ a video presentation of me opening new tabs in a web browser and typing in my thoughts as they arise (overlapped with additional footage of random things), and me live- coding words from the results as appear on screen
- have music or some sound playing
- pause to take 3 intentional deep breaths 3 times throughout
⁃ set up a website for me to dj from ⁃ something with cling clang pots and pans music - code this live(?)
⁃ maybe i just blast sophie and code live and then meditate and journal live (you could stop the noise and present)


⁃ bring in something i want direct advice on, full concept