thursday 11 august 2022
another very interesting time in studio today. felt very much the "channeling" i was doing over winter, letting something come through. really realize how much of it is showing up and listening (i mean, all the sages say this but really it's very true). and then doing that consistently.
began with stretching and it felt like that was all my body wanted and needed. with each stretch so much grief. so much grief. like the muscles were tearing and out of the tears the necessary mourning of invisible particles that i'm not even sure who or what or why.
stayed with stretching a long time, whilst listening to the breakfast show with Zakia on nts. was nice to have this floating community alongside me, everyone doing their things but connected through music and airwaves. after a while though, none of the music was working or feeling correct and that's when i realized i probably just needed silence.
the pelvis was VERY LOUD today, very much wanting to take the lead, so of course, i let it. weight. a lot of gravitational weight. i'm actually surprised the pelvis didn't come through more because it was so central to what i was doing in winter. but i guess its got its own timing. then finally decided it's time to get properly naked. filmed that. felt stupid and scary and very contemporary dance, skinny white body but also just for me and i saw and felt a lot, disturbed a lot, upset a lot, tipped a lot over and watched something strange fall out of it. very useful for me. politically the image is - well, i donno. felt good to be able to sit with the politically associations of the image of my naked body, and then the political sensations of the experiences of my naked body. very - powerful, their co-existing dissonance.
said out loud the things i feel (eyes closed).
said out loud the things i see (eyes open).
afterwards wrote a lot, which was helpful. there have been two post-dance swift-writings in my notebooks that i should probably transcribe. at some point.
after and during the writing, i felt this energy, strong energy in my centre and i realized it wanted an energetic dance, it wanted a sweat and a scream. (mars conjunct ascendant today) so i typed in "Mars" into the nts search function played the first ten minutes of "Scary Things with DJ Bempah, JK & Rico Mars" - danced pretty hard but loose and found some really interesting moves, like - a loose swing that popped and tensed, something of my ballet meeting an oceanic anger that stayed very soft? got very silly and strange when i went to the floor, which was a good sign, somehow. the stuck felt like encouragement. didn't film this, ran out of space on the sd card.
(oh yes. became very nauseous during naked dance)
(oh yes. watched a lot of mr. bean yesterday and laughed a lot)