My life is going really well, but for some reason I find myself here. I read all of these comments and really see how many people have it so bad. I'm so sorry for everyone you have lost. I'm sorry they aren't there in your time of need. But when they aren't there just come to this comment section and you will find the most beautiful people you will ever come to meet. People that have hurt are the best kind of people, they know how it feels and can help so many people. It's so sad to think that these people are the greatest of them all but lose their lives because they couldn't take it anymore. Please, if you are reading this please do not give up. Talk to someone, talk to anyone just don't give up. You are the light that shines in the darkness. IF you talk to someone you will lead them to that light. Please, help eachother. I love you all so very much.

EDIT:

I wrote this comment over 2 years ago and have just read through it all again, every last comment. I am so lucky to have spoken to you guys, you have all touched my heart. I've had some rough times whilst writing back to you guys, but I am now completely happy and content with the choices I've made. I'm 19 now and looking at moving out soon, hopefully some day soon I will have a job as a police officer too! One thing I will never forget is this comment section. Every day I think about the people I've spoken too and just the sheer amount of love everyone has shown for one another. I'll keep as updated as I can. And Dot, I hope everythings turned out well for you bud ;)

If someones candle has gone out, share yours with them and re ignite it. Stay safe guys. I love you all <3

1.6K

i used to think thickening my skin would keep me safe. that the more layers i clothed myself in, the further i would be from suffering. “be tough. grit your teeth. don’t show the storm brewing inside of you.” i sometimes still flinch at my own feelings, shocked by how raw it can be.i

but my father said, “if you live according to the rules of god, life flows.” i am not sure what that means for him, but to me that meant something like this:

••••live with your soul on your sleeve.
there is no need to push back against the turbulence of time. we are not meant to swim against the current of chance and change, but rather with it.••••

in practice, wearing my soul on my sleeve is like letting that thick skin peel loose. less toughening, and more softening. even the callouses of history that had been hardened to the point of stubborn stagnation, even the parts of me i want to protect because i fear getting hurt, even all of that…finding the courage to let those parts be soft again.

as a challenge to myself, i like to let my emotions swing like a pendulum. these days i am trying to make a point to feel and exist so sensitively.

i cry when it rains, when the sun rises, when the sun sets, when the moon becomes pregnant with its own light, when a new leaf shows it’s face, when a sparrow finds itself a branch to rest upon.

i laugh at babies, smile at old age, blush at the sight of loved ones, and drench myself in dreams and fantasies.

i am sensitive to everything, but i realised, when i am “living with god” as my father might say, i do not feel unsafe. in fact, i have noticed that the more brazen i am about being open to sensing and experiencing life and its changes, the safer i feel. perhaps it is because i am no longer creating barriers where there should be pores, and i am letting life move through me rather than against me.

thin skin for the win