"The same feeling of not belonging, of futility, wherever I go: I pretend interest in what matters nothing to me, I bestir myself mechanically or out of charity, without ever being caught up, without ever being somewhere. What attracts me is elsewhere, and I don’t know what that elsewhere is."
— E. M. Cioran
You had said something really mind blowing to me in your piece that was so simple, about care. Which is this idea that, to take care is a masculine concept and to caretake is a feminine concept. Again, language is so vital to our understanding of how we operate in this world.
“Days I feel like a human being, while other days I feel more like a sound. I touch the world not as myself but as an echo of who I was.”
∆ Ocean Vuong, from On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous (Penguin, 2019)
Intimacy is when
We’re in the same place at the same time
Dealing honestly with how we feel
And who we really are
how much of what you do is performative, with the intent for others to see?
how much of what you do is born from genuine desire, so much so that no one has to be a witness to it outside of yourself?
Sometimes no conclusion is the only appropriate conclusion, and simply moving forward has to be enough.
I have noticed that when all the lights are on, people tend to talk about what they are doing – their outer lives. Sitting round in candlelight or firelight, people start to talk about how they are feeling – their inner lives. They speak subjectively, they argue less, there are longer pauses. To sit alone without any electric light is curiously creative. I have my best ideas at dawn or at nightfall, but not if I switch on the lights – then I start thinking about projects, deadlines, demands, and the shadows and shapes of the house become objects, not suggestions, things that need to done, not a background to thought.
∆ Why I adore the night, by Jeanette Winterson