Tears — Crying & Attachment

Understanding meaning of the tears as much mysterious as understanding meaning of life. Most of the time crying is not a conscious reaction; our brains, neurological systems, hormones decide for us. For example, when we chop onions, the exposed area of the inner part of the onion releases syn-propanethial-S-oxide which is an enzyme irritates our eyes. So, the brain signals our eyes to protect themselves and we shed tears.

Emotional crying has a great power to connect us. It is essential to resolve grief, helps us to clear our sadness and stress. Tears are a natural analgesic that relieves the pain and improves the state of mind. After crying, our breathing, and heart rate decrease, and we enter into a calmer biological and emotional state. Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying.

Besides its biological benefits for adults, crying keeps parent and child close together in infancy and helps them form that invisible yet palpable bond of love. Actually, this is not different in adulthood, we cry in need of connection and comfort. Crying is an interpersonal behaviour rather than a purely intrapsychic one, what contemporary psychoanalytic theorist call a “two-person” as opposed to a “one-person” behavior. Unfortunately, most of the time we feel like crying shows their weakness and they lose power and respect.

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
When it comes to dying even. Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.
No rhetoric, no tremolos,
no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of Christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling,
on tiptoes and no luggage,
not even a sponge bag,
completely unencumbered.”

― Aldous Huxley , Island

The biggest thing we distract ourselves with (in the Western world) is no longer pleasure but finding meaning. It’s much easier to get caught up in finding meaning rather than doing, feeling, perceiving.

I’m questioning what that is — meaning. What does it “mean” to have a meaningful life? What does it “mean” to create a meaningful thing? And mostly, why does everything have to “mean” something?

I think our quest for finding meaning has become religious and incessant in its pursuit in a way that no longer contributes to the genuine development of the search. It’s a default mode of being that isn’t necessarily expansive; instead, it is obsessive and relentless and inherently tied to a type of perfection. It’s odd that way, how relinquishing actually renders freedom.

There’s some phrase stirring said by someone at some point — I’ve conflated flowers blooming with sunsets but whatever. The thing is: they just do. They just happen. And if I’ve learned anything at all, it’s that “just do your best” tends to cover most if not everything.