I
Can’t sleep
My cat is curled up by my
Blowup bed
Those words simultaneously make me
Happy, nomadic adventures
Trauma, mistreatment and beds
I love beds
I love sleep
But sometimes
The gears won’t stop turning & only 6 hrs of sleep

It’s like that with
Obsessions
With people
Infatuations

I hate that I get them
Because they mostly lead to rejection pain minus any seeming validity

Neurodivergence
Is deeply uncomfortable unless
I’m alone

Together
With the world

Silence couldn’t be quieter
Listening couldn’t fill me with
More stories

I want poured
The stories of lifetimes
Into my chest
Until it’s hollowed and retractable
Like a cat penis

I won’t stop
Wishing
I won’t stop
Adventures
I won’t stop

Just like my infatuations
Unrequited muses
Unrequited relationships
Unrequited relation with my own body first
And foremost

After puberty
I didn’t ask for the world to dictate
Who i am and
The attention I get

I want to be held wrapped up like a
Warm burrito
And glow so deeply internally that
I never have to make movement on the outside
That i
Am seaweed

That i
Never have to wait for these thoughts to die down

So I can have my
Little death

My
Not orgasm
My
Ace petit death
Which is

Some god forsaken sleep Like lordt let me rest

This is too trying
This is too cruel
Let us please
Out of this samsaric hell

Let me feel squishy and fluid
like
The world is new again
Like
The world isn’t what it is

Like
I can be me again
And nobody will look at me
Without even knowing my warmth
And whisper “oh you’re not normal, you’re wrong”

I want

Us all

Burritos in warmth with
Requited answers empowering

Love returning, stories telling, ways of life, present

i want
My dreams to stick forever so

Samsara doesn’t wake me up in nightmares so much that I’m only awake 6 hours a night

And asleep for all others hrs of day and night

Let Me Be
Let me float
Let me fly