Mother Knows Best Draft 2
much more concise language needed for settings descriptions
Spent a bit too much time setting up the world at the beginning that the second half feels jarring to read and the dialogue can use some work between Claire and Michael
can probably remove a lot of the “character psyche” info, things that the director would be telling the actor to get into the feelings, like on page 3:
"Before walking up the driveway he takes a deep breath.
Michael takes it in like seeing an old friend that age has not treated well, before walking up the front lawn as he has countless times before."
I feel like there needs to be some sort of mention of what happened between Claire and Michael like “i thought you just ghosted me” or something. He sort of suddenly has all the information and it all makes sense to him and his mom forgiven without addressing it at all
i think the new additions with Claire coming back to life are interesting as well because there’s the complexity of her being kind of an escort and kuroda a pimp and the lack of care for sex workers in general when raj just murders her. it could be a really interesting metaphor for sex work but it would definitely need some thoughtfulness
Some Plot holes that need to be filled
- Why hasn't Michael noticed Claire is a robot after all this time?
- Was he intending to go to his mom’s house while he was on the bus?
- if this is your childhood home, would their really be a secret cabinet you’ve never seen?
- also a cabinet and a broom closet are very different