on are.na, you can go quite some time without seeing someone's actual writing. like you can scroll and see images or links or articles or things they found interesting, but you don't get a sense for how they write or any acute personal articulation until you stumble across an original block they wrote or a description for a channel. and so often when i see these rare moments of "i wish i could --" or "if i had, i would --" or "i want to --" i am struck by how pure people's desires are. they're usually about creating something that would be so beautiful and good and sustainable for the world. i wish everyone on this website was given a no-strings million dollars to create whatever gorgeous project they wanted to. i'd love to see the little restaurants, the magazines, the care networks, that would be created. tiny heartbreak when i think of how that probably won't happen.

i'm writing to you from the taxi to the airport. i thought it would be sad, but right now it's just scary. the sad will probably hit in a few hours, once i'm safely on the plane (fingers crossed). i shouldn't be that sad anyways, i know i'll be back. and i have a lot to look forwards to. i think it's just the sort of thing that one ought to feel sad about, which is really a very silly way to relate to feelings. anyway, more later, this tiny square textbox on my phone is quite cramped

leaving taipei tomorrow morning. went through a lot of feelings today, as i was going through all the chores involved in leaving (getting a covid test, cancelling my phone and internet, putting my stuff in storage)

for a while in the morning, there was just the overwhelming feeling of floating, that i have no idea what i'm doing next and no anchors.

then i started to look at backpacking in europe in june, and i'm feeling a lot better about things. i can float around for a little while, in beautiful nature, carrying my life on my back.

a interesting thing about zulip is that threads are uniquely identified by name, so if two people happen to make a thread with the same name years apart, the messages will appear next to each other.

i did a double-take today seeing my own message from 2019 in the #never graduate week > Feelings Check-In, NGW Edition thread, talking about whether the number of people RSVPed would fit in the room we had booked. it's been a long time since i've had to think about anything like that.

i guess i'll go to the online one, this year. i sure have been having a lot of feelings recently.