How to make our touch truly healing and kind
01 Don't perceive the person you are touching as someone else, just perceive your body.
If we touch another person and feel their skin "from the palms out", so we try to be empathetic, we create "horizontal connection" and our attention is directed on the problem and create a certain energy gateway, through which different energies, emotions, and pain begin to wander into our body.
If we want to give a healing touch it is necessary to touch in the "vertical connection", or to perceive only your body and tune in there for pleasure, gentleness, and calm.
02 Be in integrity with your touch.
The integrity of touch means the harmony between thought, word, and action. For example, if I need to hug but I offer a hug, I create chaos in the energy of touch. I offer but actually, I take.
If I want to hug someone, I ask if I can give a hug and hug. For them.
If I want to get a hug, I ask if the person can hug me and I am hugged. For me.
03 Don't try to be helpful.
If I try to help others through touch, my touch usually doesn't have very good energy.
Not only do others not exist and I concentrate in the wrong direction, but often people who like to help others cannot help themselves and seek some compensation for their lack through touch.
To avoid this, it is very important that we have an open "direct path of pleasure" or a neurological connection between our palms and the brain so we can feel our body and pleasure from touch.
It is good to perceive every healing as our healing.
04 Learn to take.
In order to really give, it is necessary to learn to take and distinguish when we give and when we take for ourselves. If we don't know it, we often take it through touch rather than give, and it affects the quality of our touch. Taking is very healing and all that is needed is the consent of the partner or setting the borders.
25 Relationship GREEN Flags
1. Being yourself around them
Do you feel you can speak your mind without fear of judgment or ridicule? Can you express yourself without having to put on a mask or otherwise pretend to be someone you are not?
If so, you found someone you can be comfortable around, someone who accepts you for who you are.
2. They respect your opinion and views
One of the best relationship signs is respect for each others’ opinions, views, and beliefs. This is a sure green flag. They might not agree with you all the time (as it often happens), but they understand your perspective and respect it.
3. You share similar humor
Do you laugh a lot when with them? Do you have fun and time flies by?
Although this green flag is necessary for a happy and joyous relationship, it can’t stand alone. It is strongest when combined with other green flags.
4. You share the same values
What do you cherish most, and how aligned is it with your partner’s values? What matters most – ambition, honesty, success?
If you had kids, would the values you would wish to impart on them be similar to those your partner would strive to convey to kids? Similar or compatible values are one of the most important relationship green flags.
5. You feel empowered and inspired
Your partner should be your number one fan. This is not about idealizing you, rather them believing in you and encouraging you to go after your dreams. When you feel like you won’t make it, they are by your side, cheering you on towards the finish line.
6. You want the same things from life
One of the things that spell out long-term happy relationships is a shared vision of the future.Do you have similar goals and desires in life?Although it might not be easy to start that conversation, it is essential to know how much compatibility there is.
This is one of the must-have relationship green flags if you are both to be happy. Although the vision can change and evolve as you grow and transform together, any forced compromises would make either feel like they are sacrificing too much.
7. Making compromises and accommodations
When you are in a relationship that is worth a lot to you, you find yourself wanting to make sacrifices and vice versa.
The green flag is the desire to accommodate their requests and having them do it for you too, and a red flag would be if you were the only one doing it or it was excessive, and you felt drained.
8. You support each other
You feel you can share with them and feel heard, understood, and cared for. They might not know what the solution is, but they are willing to be a part of the search and assist you. Also, they are not trying to impose a solution rather giving you the time and space to share unreservedly.
9. You grow together
When with them, you feel you are learning, growing, and becoming a better version of yourself.
The conflicts or problems you have also bring you closer and help you improve as a couple and individuals. Any relationship will have struggles, but what matters is how you go through them and how you come out to the other side.
You feel you are growing and, although the growth you both experience differs, neither of you is stagnating.
10. You take care of each other
When you are sick, tired, have a migraine or a hangover, your partner is there to take care of you and help you recover faster. When you are at your weakest, they are there for you.
Having a partner who is willing to tend to you when you are unwell will mean the world at that moment.
11. You feel appreciated and valued
One of the signs he or she’s a keeper is how they make you feel about yourself.
Do they recognize the qualities about you that you like about yourself and that otters oversee? Do they appreciate the things you do for them and make a point of recognizing your efforts?
If so, this is a true relationship green flag.
12. Needs are being heard and provided for
In a healthy relationship, both partners can express and know their needs matter. You can speak up when you don’t feel happy or fulfilled, and they are ready to hear you out and discuss what can be done.
Not to say they will jump right away to anything you ask, but they are going to consider your request because it matters to you.
13. You respect each other’s boundaries
Boundaries are important. We put them up because they have significant meaning to us, and they protect us. One of the relationship green flags is respect for each other’s boundaries and limits without pressure or guilting into changing them before we are ready.
14. You can openly discuss issues
One of the important relationship green flags is that you can talk to them openly about things that bother you without the worry of being dismissed.
Can you bring up something that makes you feel vulnerable and exposed? Do you trust they will want to hear you out and address what is troubling you?
Unless we talk about things it becomes troublesome to understand the root of the problem, and actually solve it.
15. You can rely on one another
Can you count on them to be on time, follow through on agreements and keep promises? Will they be there when you need them?
A certain level of dependability is natural and expected in a healthy relationship.
16. You can have time alone guilt-free
To have a strong and long-lasting relationship, you each need time for yourself. It should come without guilt for choosing to spend some me-time. When you have this, you can feel free even when committed.
17. They take responsibility for their mistakes
Nothing ruins a relationship like the blame game and keeping the score. If they can be accountable for their actions and say they made a mistake, this is one of the relationship green flags and you have a keeper.
18. You feel challenged in a good way
You see in each other the potentials and provide the support needed for it to actualize. You challenge each other to take the next step and follow your passion. They dare you to dream bigger and strive to reach them.
19. A genuine interest in the other's wellbeing
When they say they care, you know it’s not fake. They support it by actions. Plus, they follow up on matters that you shared, and they show up when you are not feeling your best. They want you to feel better, and they are active in making it happen.
20. They don't pressure you into sex
They don’t put pressure on physical intimacy, or emotional, for that matter. They may communicate their needs, but they are not guilting you by doing so or pushing your boundaries. They respect your wishes and give you time when you need it.
21. You communicate openly and effortlessly
It feels natural to be around them, conversation flows, and it seems smooth. Also, when you bring up some of the more difficult topics, they take time to listen and hear your perspective actively. In communication, they are clear about their thoughts, intentions, and opinions while respecting yours.
22. They are putting in the effort to resolve conflict in a win-win manner
What is their go-to response and defense mechanism when things are not going well? Are they pulling away, ignoring the problem, or trying to resolve the conflict and move past it? Are they concerned about satisfying both sides?
If yes, they are showing signs of a collaborative conflict resolution style that is closely tied to higher marital satisfaction. Consider this one of the prominent relationship green flags.
23. They prioritize quality time with you
When they are planning, do they first set aside time to spend with you or check-in when you are free first? Are they making an effort to find the opportunity, in an otherwise busy schedule, for time together?
When they are ready to prioritize your relationship, consider this a green flag.
In the video below, Dan and Jennie Lok discuss ways to spend quality time with the partner. They provide a tip that, first and foremost, couples should discuss what quality time means to both of them and find common ground.
24. They are willing to apologize and forgive
There are going to be many times in the relationship when each will have to say you are sorry and forgive the other one as well.
If they own up to their mistakes, small or big, they are showing potential to ask for and grant pardon. Forgiveness shows as an important factor for a better conflict resolution, which for sure impacts the success of the relationship.
25. They are making an effort with your friends/family
A green flag in the relationship is a partner’s effort to get to know important people in their partner’s life. They might not become besties right away, but they care about your feelings, and they try for you.
Otherwise, you may feel torn and worried about how this relationship will affect other important ones you have already built.
In a new relationship, you often watch out for red flags that may indicate this is not the relationship for you. However, the absence of red flags still doesn’t mean this is the person for you.
Therefore, when you are considering a committed relationship and wondering how to know if it is worth the time and effort, look out for relationship green flags.
Are you communicating effortlessly, respecting each other’s differences in opinion, share similar values and goals in life, and genuinely care and provide for each other? Relationship green flags help you understand if this person is right for you.
“What does he see in her that he didn't see in me?
Let's assume you are objectively ‘better’ than your ex's new girlfriend in some way.
That doesn't necessarily mean that you're the better match for him.
According to Edwards, ‘The fact our ex is dating someone different than us says a lot more about our ex than it does about us.’
She's different than you are, and that's kind of the point.
You broke up for a reason. As tempting as it can be to try to turn relationships into mathematical equations, they simply aren't calculations.”