ok i think ive figured it out again. i've been so lost and demoralized lately. i've been emotional, strained, and stressed by the urgency of life around me. yes its all a capitalist hellscape when you look at it, but you still resolve a way to live it out.

guiding questions, thoughts, springboard

how much suffering?

suffer as much as the oppressed [1]

because im already privileged in that my objectives are aligned; the fact that im aware of what the problem is and that i can give my life to solving it.

the premise: "meaningful life > happy life", which is not always agreeable. its quite ""copium""-adjacent.

***** I now remember, I used to have this philosophy of "seek discomfort, because discomfort + intellect is growth"

main philosphy

I think my objective is to work at that optimal discomfort range. previously, i did this but it wasn't integrated in the long run. now i realize the true meaning of high impact. But this doesn't mean I can't have a humane and happy life. I know the keys to good wellbeing [2].

1: this means my drive is guilt-derived-but-gratitude-based; i want to suffer because """its not fair""" that i suffer less. (might be problematic, might not...). I've lived like this since probably high school when i gained a conscience. it only gets problematic when im over-exerted/burnt out. which I am at time of writing? idk, idts, but maybe its pandemic/quarantine blues, in which case it may well be. i remember all the way up to march '19, i was keeping myself busy. its probably just being home that does this to me

lets hope i get back on it when im back on the grind.

  1. see: 6 dimensions of wellness
personal philosophy review sep '21